TIFU by misunderstanding the word chapstick for my whole life

So this is mildly embarrassing, but I have to live with it, so you all might as well get a laugh out of it. Earlier today, I was hanging out with a friend - we’ll call him Ryan, because that’s his name. We were supposed to meet up to run some errands, and I texted him, meet me at the store real quick, I need to grab some chap’s stick.

Now all my life, I genuinely thought it was two words, ike, a chap’s stick. A stick that belongs to a chap. It makes perfect sense in my head. Somewhere deep in my brain, that felt grammatically right. A chap (me) has dry lips. Therefore, I need my chap’s stick.

I’ve been saying it that way for years, even to other people, but no one ever corrected me, so in my head, that’s how it’s always been, and in my defense, if you’ve never texted it, never typed it into Google, and only ever said it out loud, your brain just kind of fills in the blanks with whatever makes sense.

Every time I reached into my pocket in winter, I pulled out my trusty chap’s stick. But with Ryan, I texted it out for the first time, and he immediately roasted me.

You mean Chapstick, right? One word?

Now, when I tell you the realization hit me like a freight train, I’m not exaggerating. I could literally feel my brain buffering, replaying the last 15 years of my life like, wait, has it always been one word?

When I actually met up with him, I tried to play it off, but there was no way to make it sound better. Like, what was I going to say? “Oh, yeah, haha, that’s what I meant, my finger slipped? No. It was joever.

So of course, I had to endure two solid hours of non-stop roasting from Ryan who followed me around the store doing this fake British accent, saying things like, “Oi, chap, might you spare a stick for my chapped lips?” and “Good heavens, where might a gentleman procure some of this chap’s stick you speak of?”

Then he started texting our group chat about it. Screenshots were sent. Memes were made. I’m Someone changed my contact name to That Chap’s Stick in their phone.

Ryan was still laughing when we got back to the car.

I tried to defend myself. I said, “Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s a stick for chaps!” But he just laughed harder.

Every time I look at that little tube now, I can practically hear Ryan’s voice saying, “Oi, chap, care for a dab of your stick?”

So, yeah. That’s the tale of how I was betrayed by my own brain. Every time I look at that little tube now, I can practically hear Ryan’s voice saying, “Oi, chap, care for a dab of your stick?”

TL;DR: Thought it was “chap’s stick.” It’s not.