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TIFU by having sex with a melon and destroying my mom’s expensive curtains

I’m a 21-year-old guy living with my parents. They’re currently out of town, and they’re coming back tomorrow morning, so I had the house completely to myself.
Unfortunately, I made an unbelievably questionable decision involving a melon in our living room. I cut a hole in it and ended up having sex with it.
The problem was that the melon wouldn’t stay in place. So, in what I can only describe as a catastrophic display of engineering, I used the curtains to help keep it in place.
Those weren’t ordinary curtains.
My mom had them specially brought back from the Middle East. They’re expensive, difficult to replace, and, as I discovered, definitely not designed to support the ridiculous situation I had created in the living room.
Everything was fine until I suddenly heard a loud crack.
I looked up.
The curtain rail had detached, and the curtains were coming down.
Now I’m standing in the middle of my parents’ living room, surrounded by a fallen curtain rail, my mom’s expensive imported curtains, and a melon that has caused more problems than any melon reasonably should.
My parents come back tomorrow morning.
I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to explain this.
TL;DR: My parents went out of town, I had sex with a melon, accidentally destroyed my mom’s expensive imported curtains, and now have less than a day to fix everything.

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