TIFU -- By Falling Asleep

Obligatory: This was actually several years ago.

It was my first morning after my first night at a graveyard shift job, and I was beat. The hubs was at work, the teen was at school, and the munchkin was at daycare. I was home alone. I was also hungry, but too tired to actually cook something. We had no microwave at the time, and there were no left-overs. So my lazy and tired ass grabbed a package of hotdogs from the freezer, filled a pot of water, and tossed them in, package and all. Then I sat down on the sofa to wait for them to cook.

Big mistake.

I fell asleep, and when I woke up, the house was filled with smoke. I yanked the boiled-dry pot off the stove, and saw my hotdogs were ruined. I mean, even the plastic wrap was melted to the pot (damn, my favorite one, too!). I hacked and wheezed my way to the hall, and opened up the attic fan to clear out all the smoke.

Not a moment later, there came an urgent banging on my door, and I answered it.

It was the cable guy, who was on a ladder at the house, replacing the cable with fiber optics (they were upgrading the whole neighborhood, and we'd gotten the notice, but I completely forgot), and he'd seen all the smoke roll out of the attic. He thought the house was on fire, and it scared the crap out of him. He blurted, "Are you okay?!"

"Yeah, just a bonehead."

I stuck with sandwiches from that point on for a few weeks, until I was used to working graveyard.

Poor cable guy.

TL:DR -- Scared the hell out of the cable guy when I boiled a pot dry.