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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU By I using cucumber as a dildo

Ok to this this happened and can’t believe it.

Anyways I (26M) was feeling horny, decided to use a cucumber with a condom on as a dildo as I have been staying at my parents house for a while now and did not bring any of my adult toys. I grabbed a cucumber from the fridge, grab my poppers and went to town on my butthole.

After I finished playing with myself, I take off the condom for easy clean up, go discreetly dispose of the evidence and shower to clean myself off. This is where the fuck up begins. I know it’s wasteful but I was going to throw away the cucumber, as it has been shoved up my ass for at least 25 minutes. As I was throwing it away my mom comes in the kitchen to start dinner. First thing she ask me is to hand her the cucumber for her to start cutting for the salad. I pretend to drop it, so I can wash it for use but still. I won’t get the thought I ate my cucumber dildo with my family.

TLDR: my family and I ate my cucumber dildo

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