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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by using a makeup brush as a buttplug

I regret everything I ever thought was a good idea, and the only way of making myself feel better about this situation is by posting. I am NOT a buttplay type of girl. I’ve always found it uncomfortable personally, but my partner has some sort of obsession with the poopoo hole, so that’s the preface.

That night, I had a little too much to drink. Me and my boyfriend were watching a movie and things started to get a little frisky, as they do. It started out as just a normal session, until my boyfriend brought up the idea of “working up the dildo train” to stretch my bumhole into shape so he could then defile me in the way which he desired. My drunk ass though, “Okay! Bet!” (because drunk me has no common sense) and I produced a fairly small makeup brush. We lubed it up, I bent over, and he pushed it in slowly. And he pushed it in DEEP (to the point where the bristles were barely sticking out of my bumhole like tiny hairs). I was just laughing so hard and found it amusing and strangely erotic in the moment, and it was a great bonding time for us...

That is, until the removal process: We tried to pull the bristles on the end, but they were not strong enough to combat the tightness of my poor bootyhole. At this point I began to freak a little bit, not even wanting him to touch down there. I tried pulling it out myself, but it was stuck. Very stuck. My butthole was like a suction cup for the makeup brush and any time i tried to bend over I could feel it pushing inside my butthole and it hurt. I sat on the toilet for almost an hour just pushing in the hopes that I could pass it, but to no avail. My butthole was literally eating the brush.

Pan to 45 minutes later, I’m crying in the waiting room of the ER, half sitting, half laying down, waiting for a doctor to get in there and pull it out. Which she did, and I went on my merry way about an hour after that. But not without a lesson learned.

It was and always will be the most embarrassing, uncomfortable, weird experience of my life. I have decided to remain abstinent from anything and everything involving ass play, from this moment until the end of my existence on this planet AND the next.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I put a makeup brush up my booty and neither of us could pull it out, so I had to get it removed in the ER

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