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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by appearing to be tugging on myself in a parking lot at night and sending a woman running screaming

So I went out on a date the other day and had dinner. The date itself didn't go so well but whatever got some good food out of it. I was stuffed by the end of it. So we said our goodbyes and walking back to the parking lot, I felt my jeans a little tight on the waist. It must have been like 10pm and I was in a mall parking lot. So I get to the car and I attempt to unhook my belt to give myself some room to breathe when the belt thing gets stuck and I'm desperately pulling on the belt trying to get it to un hook and for a split second I realize how this must look to anyone around me and as I continue to jerk the belt hoping it would come loose I suck in my belly, give it one final tug and it finally unhooks. To which I respond to myself with.. "fuck yea!" and that's when I hear a woman screaming running away from me.

My heart sank to the deepest pit of hell. I panicked my ass off and without properly belting up, I jump in my car and gtfo of that parking lot so fast. Thinking I was free I relax a little when I see blue and red lights behind... FUCK... So I pull over and that's when I look down and my pants are undone. And even though I wasn't being a perv how do I even begin to explain.

Cop came over and I told him the truth exactly how it happened. And he just started laughing and let me go. Holy shit. Wtf.

TL;DR Belt got hooked and wouldn't come off even as I tugged on it and a near by human thought I was pleasuring myself and she ran off screaming.

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