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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by brushing my teeth

This happened a couple months ago but I was just reminded about it since I opened a new tube of toothpaste after browsing Reddit.

I woke up early one say to help a coworker move. I had overslept a little and my brain was still a little foggy, which I at least partially blame this incident for. Shortly after getting up and realizing the time I went to go brush my teeth. It was then that I noticed that my tube of toothpaste was basically empty. I cursed myself for getting distracted and forgetting to go to the grocery store while I searched the drawer in my bathroom. Eureka! A brand new tube of toothpaste! I must have bought it on my last trip and forgotten to delete it off my list.

I open the box, take out the tube and put a squirt on my awaiting toothbrush. I stared at the odd, brown color for a moment, then shrugged it off before getting to business, assuming I had bought some organic brand this time. ‘Ugh!’ I thought ‘Why does all of this organic toothpaste taste like shit?’. I continued brushing my teeth and then spit the substance out in disgust. I then looked to the tube, I was sure as hell not buying that brand again.

My brain was still not fully awake as I looked to the label as I read ‘Poultry Flavor’. For a brief moment I didn’t register what was happening. ‘Who the hell makes poultry flavored toothpaste?!?’ I wondered. Then I realized my mistake. It turns out I DID remember to buy a replacement tube for some near empty toothpaste, it was just to replace my dog’s tube but not mine. The drawer for my pet’s hygiene/medical supplies is the one below mine and I put it in the wrong place.

Limited in time I washed my mouth as much as I could and I went to help my coworker with my breath reeking of morning breath mixed with low grade meat. (Thanks social distancing!) then promptly purchased a new tube. Two this time to protect my future self from myself.

A nice cherry in top is I am a vegetarian. There was no actual impact on that front but it just served to make me feel extra stupid.

TLDR: I brushed my teeth with meat because I forgot to get toothpaste and can’t put stuff in the proper drawer.

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