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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by drinking red wine on a Tinder date

So this happened last night but I am currently on my walk of shame home. Feels like the perfect opportunity to type it out so I might at one point have a good laugh about this.

So 2 weeks ago I matched a girl on Tinder and we hit it off quite instantly, I asked to meet up and she agreed happily. We went for a long walk in the park with her dogs to get a chance to have a proper talk before going back to her place to have a couple drinks.

Things went swimmingly! I really like this girl! Managed a walk of 2 hours without any awkward silences or me saying stupid things so we went to her appartment to drinks some wine and warm up. Halfway through the second bottle of excellent red wine things get kinda hot and heavy and we take it to the bedroom.

All was good and fun until at some point I start feeling... not so well. I remember in this moment that there's a reason I never drink red wine, my stomach does not agree AT ALL with red wine. I need to throw up, like NOW! I throw her off me and run to the bathroom and start hauling up all the wine. She comes to check on my and I am buttnaked hugging her toilet, trying to tell her how sorry I am in between the waves of liquid I am spewing out.

She was very understanding, brought me some water and told me I could make it up to her in the morning. Morning come and I have spent half the night hugging the toilet but fuck it this girl is beautiful and fun so I man up and get back to bed with her. NOW MY FUCKING DICK WON'T GET HARD! I am just exhausted and embarrased and then little me decides to just totally give up and ruin any chance I had of turning things around.

I just get out of the bed, take my clothes and want to go home. Her dogs used my clothes as a fucking pillow after running around in the mud so my jeans and jacket are dirty af. Fuck it, put em on, walk through the city to a bus stop to get back home, puke another 2 times on the way there, looking like a fucking hobo and people asking me if I'm doing alright.

I today learned the meaning of the walk of shame, and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say she doesn't exactly want to see me anymore either...

Fml

TL ; DR: went on a date, drank red wine, my stomach does not agree with red wine, spent the night hugging her toilet and making a fool out of myself. Will not be going on a second date to say the least...

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