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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by greasing my bathtub....

This happened just now, like moments ago.

So my partner is out of town for a funeral. I've never spent a night in our apartment alone.

I decided to take a very long, very hot bath (as I am wont to do) with epsom salts and bath oils. Screw it, a lot of bath oils. Ooo, and a glass of wine.....

Which quickly turns into a bottle of wine.

Oh boy.

So now, about an hour later, I'm a drunk prune, and it's time to get out.

Well I drain the water and start trying to stand up, and I swear to heck y'all it's like trying to stand up on a soapy slip-n-slide. I do the Scooby Doo run for a moment, lose what little traction I had gained, and go down like a lead zeppelin.

WHAM.

My wineglass is broken. I have glass in my arse (no you may not see, I am a lady). My head is throbbing (that should make my hangover tomorrow extra lovely). There's a foot somewhere behind my ear.

AND I STILL HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE BATHTUB.

So today I learned not to grease the bathtub when you're alone.... And that I can do the splits!!

Tl;dr: don't use bath oils when you're drinking alone, you might get hurt

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