Skip to main content

TIFU by making my husband think a threesome (FMF) was waiting for him when he got off work.

So this happened last night.

Let me start with this. My husband works grave yard and we’ve been happily married for 7 years. We are high school sweet hearts. I grew up knowing the things he loves from home. And one thing he loves from his childhood is a dessert called grandma Ella cookies. They are ritz crackers with peanut butter covered in chocolate.

I grew up in a household where sweets weren’t the norm. I’m a wicked baker and I make cakes all the time but like as just for the two of us it’s not often. Why do you need to know this. It’ll make sense below.

About two weeks ago I was saying good bye to him as he headed off to work. I was thinking about how much I love him and how much he does for me. And I realized in the 7 years we’ve been married I’ve never made him grandma Ella cookies. And it’s due to my upbringing. I just don’t think about sweets. And he could make them sure but cooking isn’t a skill.

It’s something his mom use to make all the time. And I have the recipe from the family recipe book I was gifted when we got married.

So I started planning. I wanted to surprise him with a plate of cookies when he got off work because i mean it’s been years for him. He hasn’t had these cookies in years and it’s because of me!

So I made them last night. I was so excited. And I love surprises and gifts because of my love language. Problem is that I always spill the secrets. But I was determined to keep this secret.

So before I went to bed I texted him. “I have a surprise for you when you get off work! “ He replies oh really And I say “yes I realized that there’s something you haven’t been able to have because you’re married to me. And I feel bad.” He says, “ hmmmm I can only see the positive being married to you, and I can only see negatives without you” So I tell him that I’m gonna keep it a secret because I’m super excited of it. And that when he sees it, it’ll make sense.

Here is where I fucked up... after about ten minutes later I also texted him that I was feeling randy and was hoping when he got home we could have sex. And he agreed right away. But then I sent him some sexy gifs.

I ended up going to sleep. But then woke up a little earlier than intended and sent him more gifs. The cookies were already in his game room so my part was done.

My husband came home and found the cookies and then asked me... is this surprise? And I said yes!

He then looked at me and said... “ I like the cookies but I want you to think... how do you think I took texting... (I was like idk) telling me it’s something I haven’t had... what’s something I can’t do because we are married. What I would never do?

I thought for a while and then a lightbulb went off... I was like sleeping with another girl!! Oooooooo....

He was like: you then talked about having sex and then sent me sexy gifs... I was thinking at work no... she wouldn’t. Would she? But what about the kid ( we foster). Maybe he went to a sleep over? But Covid?

I just started laughing uncontrollably. I felt so bad. And he laughed too.

He, of course, thought the cookies were awesome and ate all of them. But now I think maybe I better set something up! Hahaha

TL:DR. I made special childhood cookies for my husband but because of my awful texting skills he thought he was coming home to a threesome and all he got was a plate of cookies.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more