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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by not checking inside the bag before I ate

So about 2 days ago I went to the shops and decided to treat myself to some biltong (a kind of dried meat similar to beef jerky I think?). As soon as I got home I put it in the fridge to keep it protected. Today I was feeling pretty snacky so I grabbed the bag of deliciousness and dug right in. It was a pretty big bag and I needed to eat as much as I could before it went bad. But about halfway through stuffing my face I looked inside the bag to see what piece I wanted to devour next and that's when I saw my life flash before my eyes.

Staring up at me from the bottom of my yummy bag of biltong was a baby cockroach. I could feel the sensation of dried meat coming right back up my oesophagus while the little bastard stared me down. I was midchew from the previous handful and realised, after what felt like years of a staring competition with this asshole, that he had been there the whole time. I threw the bag away and spray the shit out of my bin with some doom for good measure. He can rot in hell.

TL;DR I ate 200g of baby cockroach biltong.

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