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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by slaying the dragon

Last year my brother and I put a little play set in his yard for his daughter, my god daughter, princess lollipop. My mother, known as mammy, always said, "be careful so you don't fall down and break you crown!" and since princesses wear crowns. She is now princess lollipop. (her favorite snack).

Well this little play set has a swing, a tower, and a slide. Nothing fancy but she says it is her castle. And who are we to judge what a 3 year old has for her kingdom!

So every so often princess lollipop goes in to her castle while two brave and noble knights cross swords in epic battles to win her favor using the time honored imaginary swords of old.... Christmas wrapping paper tubes. It allows us to beat each other up and make her day. But she knows how dangerous there weapons can be... She knows they must be put safely away (if they survived the battle) and can not be touched until you are much older, 8 at least!! Now here is where I really f-ed up!!

So this Saturday was a beautiful day! Sunny, slight breeze, clear skies. But when I went to visit she wanted to play castle with her two favorite knights. The only problem was we only had one tube. (her recent birthday destroyed our armory)

So I suggested "why not have one knight save you from the evil dragon under your castle?" She loved it! Sir Dada became the evil dragon groundsalot. While the noble sir unc-ee tried to rescue her. The battle was fierce, the dragon would fly all over the yard as I gave chase.

Now I was getting close, so the 6'4 dragon thought to escape by going under the castle! He was quick and turned to see where the knight was, turned back and... HELLO CASTLE! THUNK!!! My brother cracked his head off the bottom of her tower so hard my teeth hurt from the sound. And down he went. Out cold. I have to admit as his younger brother, the joy I felt is probably going to send me to hell. But I ran over to check on him. Big old goose egg on his head and he is a little dazed but awake and conscience. Princess lollipop said "what happen?" Now I didn't want to scare her and say your daddy is knocked out, so I proudly proclaim, "I HAVE BEATEN THE EVIL DRAGON!!! Come down and see the dragon!"

She slides down and turns and sees her dad, on the ground, with the sword sticking up. (had it between arm and body) She sees all this and lets out a shriek that rattled my spine. If you readers heard a buzzing sound/ringing in your ears on Saturday, my bad! It was her.

She said, "YOU KILLED DADA!!!" Then she proceeded to go tell mammy, our mother, that I have killed my brother. My mom comes running out, sees my brother still on the ground starts yelling at me until my brother got up. Princess lollipop behind queen mammy is crying and then my brother and I got yelled at like we were the 3 year olds! And we were told we are no longer able to have battles.

So took my brother to doctor, no concussion. But my niece will not talk to me for killing her father.

Tl:dr: pretended to kill my brother with Christmas wrapping paper tubes, and niece will not talk to me anymore!

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