TIFU by packing a vibrator in my carry on bag

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So as with many TIFUs here this didn’t happen today but over a decade ago, but seeing as the said product in question recently died, it felt right to share its journey. TLDR at the bottom.

Growing up in a very religious household led to me being a bit naive in the world of diddle sticks. So when my SO took a job out of state about 1K miles away I was suddenly tasked with fulfilling my needs on my own. Conveniently my friend was hosting one of those ‘intimate parties’ and problem solved.

A few weeks later I had planned a trip to visit said SO and he requested that I bring the new toy along. I argued against it, after all I was flying down for the real thing, but eventually relented.

Now at this point in my life I am a very seasoned traveler, but back then I hadn’t flown much and never on my own but was only going down for the weekend so I threw everything in a duffle bag and called it a day.

I blindly walk into that TSA line and my bag gets pulled aside. My heart sinks already. Oh no, they know!

The man, probably in his late 50’s asks me if I have any liquids in the bag. (me thinking, whew it’s just the shampoo/conditioner, I forgot about the oz limit) I admit that I do and try to grab the bottles. He gets upset and tells me I can’t touch the bag and that he has to comb through it.

He pulls out the liquids. I tell him that’s it, desperate to get the bag back, making him more suspicious. He continues rooting around in there, convinced I must have something nefarious, until….he finds it. Yanks that sucker out of the bag like he is pulling excalibur from the damn stone. He holds it far above his head turning it this way and that, truly studying it, he can not for the life of him puzzle out what this girl has in her...OMG lightbulb. The horror washes over his face as the realization finally dawns. I really can’t say which of us turned a brighter shade of red. Head hung down, he shoves the bag at me and mumbles that I need to check it and flees the scene.

My entire body is red from embarrassment. I collect my belongings and what remains of my dignity and make my way through what I assumed was a sea of eyes. Checked the bag, had to go back through what is now in my mind is akin to when the town is ringing the shame bells as Cersei Lanister.

I eventually lived it down and much later on even mustered the courage to travel with it again, while strictly obeying the oz limit of my liquids.

TLDR: Brought a vibrator on a flight, TSA guy found it, I wanted to crawl under the converter belt and die