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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU By convincing my grandmother-in-law I had a micropenis

Surprisingly this was a TIFU today.

This trip was long coming, my wife and I planned for months this trip. Her grandmother and grandfather are getting old and we needed to plan the trip to go and see them.

The whole vacation started out normal, eating and talking, spending time together like we should.

However tonight was when the horrific event took place. We had dinner for my oldest (7), he got a little birthday celebration and a fun time.

The wine and conversation was flowing. As the night carried on it turned into hard alcohol. More drinks, more talk. The kids settled down and wondered off to bed. But the fun times comminuted.

At one point I went to check on them and went to the bathroom. Here is when it went south.

The house is old and didn’t have an actual lock on the bathroom, so I closed the door and did my business. Half way through my GIL walked in and saw me standing there, wang in hand and just wrapping up. She turned bright red and slammed the door

I quickly thought it would make her feel better if she saw nothing. So I threw the piece away and chased her down. Before she was able to make it back to the rest of them I stopped her and blurted out “don’t worry, there was nothing to see”.

She told me it was her fault, for walking in without knocking.

For some reason feeling pinned against the wall with the sweetest old lady, I said “I have a very small penis, there is no way for your to have seen it”.

Then it hit me, I’m convincing my GIL that I have a micropenis so she feels better about walking in on me in the bathroom.

So I decided to stick with it and told her not many people have seen it due to its size.

She blushed a little and said she was sorry about the mishap.

At least I know she won’t be talking to my wife about it, probably because she feels sorry for me. Mission accomplished?

TLDR: Convinced my GIL I have a micro penis so she wouldn’t be embarrassed.

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