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TIFU by eating beef jerky

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TIFU by trying to hold in a shit

So, I fucked up.

I work at a warehouse, won’t disclose which exact one but I can tell you it’s named after a famous river.

Anyway, they have a rule here, that if you go over 6 minutes between scans, you accrue “time off task,” if you reach 2 total hours of time off task... you get fired.

I’d just gotten a warning a week ago like “hey your TOT is a bit high, just make sure you’re not spending too much time fucking around.” Now, I need this job, so I decided yk, if I gotta go I’ll just hold it in until my break.

On paper, good policy. In practice, this theory falls apart.

Anyway I came back to work today, and I’ve been having diarrhea these past few days, so I took a shit right as I got to work before I clocked in. Some time passes, I take my break, I come back from break and I got that feeling in your stomach like “oh yeah I’m gonna have to shit soon.” So, I figured what I was feeling was a fart, so I just yk, let it go.

My god. There, in the middle of the warehouse, a small amount of diarrheal shit escaped my ass. I quickly ran to the bathroom, and discovered I was dealing with a large pool of fecal matter.

I was pissed, sad, and just ready to be done with this stupid fucking shift. But, I couldn’t work the rest of the shift like this, so I took one hour of my personal time off, and headed home to change.

Before I went home, however, I had to talk to my manager to let her know I less leaving for a bit but that I’d be back. Naturally she asked why, and as I tried to make up some excuse, a worker from behind me obviously noticed the shit stain on my jeans.

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don’t know who, but I heard someone shout “YO HE SHIT HIMSELF.”

Never been so embarrassed in my life. Everyone laughed, and I submitted my resignation a few minutes ago.

TL;DR: I shit myself at work to avoid getting fired, ended up resigning after everyone saw.

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