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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by playing porn at full volume at a restaurant in front of my mother-in-law.

This happened yesterday.

My mother in law took my wife and I out for a meal yesterday to a restaurant that we frequent. As we were waiting for our main meals to arrive, my wife and MIL were talking about something unrelated to me so I got my phone out and decided to take a look at the front page of reddit.

As I was scrolling, a post from /r/unexpected caught my eye. I clicked on it, completely missing the nsfw tag. The post started out as an adult putting a kid in what looked at the time like a coffin, but turned out to be a soundproof box. Apparently this was a clip from a tv show so that sort of explains what happens next, but not really because what the actual fuck.

Suddenly, there are 8 people having an orgy in the video, in the same room as the coffin box. My natural instinct is to immediately turn down the sound which ironically activates the sound (at full volume) and this almighty classic porn moan emanates from my phone. My fingers flail around as I try and stop this situation in front of a half full restaurant and my MIL.

I closed the video and didn’t move for a good 2 minutes, hoping that if i sit still enough, i can just disappear into the ether. My wife shot me a look and I didn’t make eye contact with my MIL for a good 5 minutes.

Here’s the crazy part:

I FUCKING GOT AWAY WITH IT.

When my MIL got up to go to the toilet, I told my wife what happened and she had no idea - she just thought I played some loud video and was annoyed at that. Not sure if my MIL noticed or not but i’ll take ‘questions i’m not going to ever ask’ for 500.

So yeah.

My wife said it’s never ever going to get lived down, and i don’t blame her either.

TL;DR:

Conversation got boring so I whipped out my phone and put on some good old porn.

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