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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by taking an earth shattering dump on my first day back in the office.

So, just as a bit of pretext, I have colitis so my booty can be pretty rockin’, but not In the fun party kinda way.

I recently started a new job and have been working remote until today, the first day in the office for training. Sure I thought, can’t be that bad.

So, just after lunch, where my boss had kindly bought us all food, I felt a rumbling in my stomach, not a great sign. So I quietly get up and ask where the bathrooms are, and slink off to a small room between the two sets of offices.

I placed my booty cheeks on my porcelain throne and began unleashing the most satanic, Earth shattering farts imaginable, echoing off what was now the dookie tomb, with a forceful splash, accompanied shortly before and after by more thunderous ass chanting.

After my anal karaoke session, I quietly returned to my desk, and received some very odd looks from my first time coworkers. A little while later another hops up and slinks away, and I realise I can hear him humming through the wall from the bathroom. Considering the rock concert I performed in there shortly beforehand, it’s safe to say the entire office heard me rip ass with the power of a thousand suns.

TLDR: played ass trumpet far too loud in the bathroom which has surprisingly thin walls, reverberating the entire office and gracing my new coworkers ears with sounds comparable to a brass band after a Taco Bell buffet.

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