Skip to main content

TIFU by not masturbating

Years ago I was a late bloomer when it came to the most common puberty hobby. Something about it just felt awkward so I didn't do it despite unusually easy access to porn for a 14 year old. Turns out no nut puberty has consequences.

One day at the end of football practice I started having intense abdominal and groin pain. The pain was so intense I could barely walk. I'm from a small, rural area that was pretty much has a deal with it, shake off the pain attitude so I just dealt with the pain for about a week. At the time I lived with my brother(24) and his then wife since my mom was a truck driver. My SIL definitely noticed something was wrong but I refused to acknowledge it and didn't tell her the full extent because I didn't want to admit to being weak or talk to a girl about my tenders.

My will finally broke when my mom was home for the weekend. She suggested it could be a hernia which freaked me out even more and led to me claiming I can just deal with it for the last 3 weeks of football. That didn't fly so mom, bro, and I head to the ER.

In our small town ER one of the doctors was a Vietnam immigrant who is a fantastic dr but his broken English sometimes made communicating difficult. He tells me to drop my shorts as I look on in horror that my mom and bro were gonna see my weiner. After poking and prodding for a few minutes he leaves the room for what felt like an eternity.

He comes back and starts trying to explain that I was suffering from a growing pain of puberty where my testes were overproducing semen causing a backup. There was a lot of awkwardness as we sat there trying to fully grasp what the doctor was struggling to communicate which was I needed to "find a way to release the excess semen." Doc has them give me a pain shot and prescription that should help.

While we're waiting on the pharmacist to arrive afterhours, I broke the silence in the truck by asking "did the dr just say I need to jack off?" Went to school the next day to tell my friends and coaches that I had a doctor's note to jerk it.

TL;DR didn't masturbate at the start of puberty, experienced severe abdominal pain, went to the doctor to be told I need to masturbate regularly

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more