Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU By showing nudes of my wife to the painters

This happened about a year ago or maybe the real FU was 40 years ago? Anyway first off, I’m old. Like 60 years old. When I was 20 I married a smoking hot 18 year old babe. For whatever unknowable reason she hasn’t divorced me yet and she’s still a smoking hot babe in my books.

Back in the day I had a Polaroid camera. Push a button, it makes noise, a small pic slides out and slowly develops into a photograph. For it's time it was cutting edge. I think they have made a bit of a comeback recently. As you can imagine there’s really only one legit purpose for those things. Nudes.

So one Saturday back 40 years ago the wife gets me all hot and bothered and naked then snaps a pic of me on my back and stretched out - in all my glory.

I followed up with a few candid shots of her getting out of the tub, bent over, doing her hair and a few other nudes. Some tasteful, coy, silhouette, looking in a mirror... some just legs spread wide not so tasteful. We put these pics away in our special box of toys.

Fast forward 35 years. We moved into a new place. I was unpacking and at some point I found our toy box and flipped through the pics. A few of them have degraded over the years but most are still pretty pristine.

Damn. She was sure hot but wow did she look young. I think I need to check some birth certificates because she looked decidedly under aged in these pics. I unpacked a bit more put the toy box away and more or less forgot all about it. I guess this is where I F'd up. I put the best of the best pics down on top of our home safe which is hidden at the bottom of our bedroom closet. In all the joy of moving in the pics somehow vanished.

Fast forward another 5 years and we are moving again. We decided to keep the old house and rent it out. We got most everything moved out except for the safe and the larger heavier furniture which had to wait for the movers.

My wife has a favorite painter she's in love with. I tease her about him. His name is Valentino. I call him Fabio because he reminds me of that douchy guy with the long hair on all the trashy romance novels from a few years back. I gave Valentino/Fabio a call and he came right over and said he and his crew could get the place painted and ready to rent out.

After Fabio was finished we went over to inspect the job. Backing up a bit, you usually bolt your home safe to the ground but I never got around to it. Probably all for the best or Fabio would never have been able to paint behind it. As it was, he was able to slide it away from the wall. And he found a little something... the missing pics. Apparently they had fallen down behind the safe.

Fabio had kindly placed the pics in a little white bag and left them sitting on the kitchen counter. My wife opened the bag and completely lost her shit. D'oh!

I’m assuming Valentino thought the pics were of my wife in her youth. Or possibly he thought I was into kiddie porn? Not exactly sure which would be worse. My wife was seriously pissed at me. I said “sorry!!” Which wasn't quite adequate for the situation but what else can a guy do? Oh well.. after all the FU’s I’ve had over the years I was fairly sure she would get over it. Eventually.

Valentino never mentioned it. My wife didn't. I didn't... And we have since had Fabio out to paint our new place. So I think… maybe everything is OK. But I did catch him eyeballing my wife now and again…

TLDR; I showed naked pics of my wife to the painter and probably his whole crew.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more