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TIFU by thinking it was just period cramps.

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TIFU By showing nudes of my wife to the painters

This happened about a year ago or maybe the real FU was 40 years ago? Anyway first off, I’m old. Like 60 years old. When I was 20 I married a smoking hot 18 year old babe. For whatever unknowable reason she hasn’t divorced me yet and she’s still a smoking hot babe in my books.

Back in the day I had a Polaroid camera. Push a button, it makes noise, a small pic slides out and slowly develops into a photograph. For it's time it was cutting edge. I think they have made a bit of a comeback recently. As you can imagine there’s really only one legit purpose for those things. Nudes.

So one Saturday back 40 years ago the wife gets me all hot and bothered and naked then snaps a pic of me on my back and stretched out - in all my glory.

I followed up with a few candid shots of her getting out of the tub, bent over, doing her hair and a few other nudes. Some tasteful, coy, silhouette, looking in a mirror... some just legs spread wide not so tasteful. We put these pics away in our special box of toys.

Fast forward 35 years. We moved into a new place. I was unpacking and at some point I found our toy box and flipped through the pics. A few of them have degraded over the years but most are still pretty pristine.

Damn. She was sure hot but wow did she look young. I think I need to check some birth certificates because she looked decidedly under aged in these pics. I unpacked a bit more put the toy box away and more or less forgot all about it. I guess this is where I F'd up. I put the best of the best pics down on top of our home safe which is hidden at the bottom of our bedroom closet. In all the joy of moving in the pics somehow vanished.

Fast forward another 5 years and we are moving again. We decided to keep the old house and rent it out. We got most everything moved out except for the safe and the larger heavier furniture which had to wait for the movers.

My wife has a favorite painter she's in love with. I tease her about him. His name is Valentino. I call him Fabio because he reminds me of that douchy guy with the long hair on all the trashy romance novels from a few years back. I gave Valentino/Fabio a call and he came right over and said he and his crew could get the place painted and ready to rent out.

After Fabio was finished we went over to inspect the job. Backing up a bit, you usually bolt your home safe to the ground but I never got around to it. Probably all for the best or Fabio would never have been able to paint behind it. As it was, he was able to slide it away from the wall. And he found a little something... the missing pics. Apparently they had fallen down behind the safe.

Fabio had kindly placed the pics in a little white bag and left them sitting on the kitchen counter. My wife opened the bag and completely lost her shit. D'oh!

I’m assuming Valentino thought the pics were of my wife in her youth. Or possibly he thought I was into kiddie porn? Not exactly sure which would be worse. My wife was seriously pissed at me. I said “sorry!!” Which wasn't quite adequate for the situation but what else can a guy do? Oh well.. after all the FU’s I’ve had over the years I was fairly sure she would get over it. Eventually.

Valentino never mentioned it. My wife didn't. I didn't... And we have since had Fabio out to paint our new place. So I think… maybe everything is OK. But I did catch him eyeballing my wife now and again…

TLDR; I showed naked pics of my wife to the painter and probably his whole crew.

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