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TIFU punching my cousin

I (25F) recently experienced a late term loss of my twin daughters. Not even 2 weeks after my loss my family held a birthday party for my cousin, Amelia’s son and asked if I wanted to be there. I decided I’ll attend but I’d remove myself if I felt overwhelmed. My other cousin, Jared (30M) also attended with his girlfriend and son. Jared and I haven’t spoken for 10+ years. Well everyone starts drinking as we’ve hired babysitters indoors. Jared then proceeds to start a screaming match with his girlfriend. He ends up sending her and the baby home.

There was a girl named Taylor (19F) who kept flirting with him. She was trying to kiss him and more in front of us. Amelia got upset at Jared for trying to cheat on his girlfriend in front of his family. He was getting in Amelia’s face and saying shit about her parenting skills, her baby daddy and more. I separated them because again, I’m the only sober one. She went inside and he turned to me and said

“You’re not even a fucking parent so I don’t know why the fuck you’re inserting yourself. You wouldn’t get shit, nobody even knows who the fuck your ugly ass baby daddy is.” He then said “Your children deserved everything that was coming to them.”

I saw red, it was an automatic reaction to punch him in his jaw. I got another hit to his nose but then was pulled off by another partygoer and forced away from him. He crossed a line, he knew what he was saying was fucked up, that’s why he said it. He knew the consequences but didn’t expect me to do anything about it. The next day everyone was pissed off at me for punching him. My extended family even involved my parents. They said I should’ve just walked away. I feel bad, I should’ve honestly. I was sober. I should’ve kept a cool head and moved away. I messed up to a degree, I can take accountability for that.

TLDR; I punched my cousin because he spoke negatively about my babies that had recently passed.

[edited to fix some sentences that were out of order]

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