TIFU by eating a 250mg THC edible before serving at a wedding.

The best and worst high, and the best and worst shift I've ever worked.

I am a heavy user, heavy heavy. Mostly thc carts, but I've basically been high 24/7 for 3 years. A few hours of sobriety here and there.

On break, my coworker asked me if I wanted to split a cookie, sure, where that cookie at I want it now. I eat edibles now and then and haven't had any issue since like the first time when i was 16, 30 now. We split the cookie. And smoke a few clips.

Before we go back in after our 30 minutes I eye the nutter butter wrapper on the car floor. 500mg. Oh fuck.

I already know that I'm gonna probably die. I've taken 100mg before and was okay but was fucked up pretty good. 250mg is way more than 100mg if my math is correct.

When we go back in, we find out that we're on the same team. Work banquet, weddings. It was the 2 of us with 5 tables. Neither of us could pretend to be sick and leave or lean on one of our sober coworkers to carry the team. We're fucked.

By cocktail hour, I am floating. My legs feel like they are not even moving even though they are. But somehow, someway, I also feel amazing every 20 seconds. Then feel like I'm gonna drop crab cake sliders all over this lady in a wheelchair. But I don't. I make jokes instead and am the funniest I've ever been. One guest said I was his new best friend.

I go to the bathroom before dinner starts. My eyes look like I've been sobbing uncontrollably for 2 days. Maybe I wasn't funny at all and they were all just cracking up because I couldn't even put a sentence together, and because it looked like someone was ripping ass on my pillow the night before.

I cant go back out like that, my boss loves me and knows I'm high most the time but I do a good job. This was not a good job.

I'm about to call the police on myself when my chef buddy walks in and magically has eyedrops in his pocket.

I got back out there with eyes as white as snow, just a normal fucking guy, being a normal fucking guy. Or was I? I dont know.

But where is my partner. I'm pouring all the champagne myself, I'm putting out first course. Where the hell is she. Shes definitely dead. It was hard trying to take dinner orders when I cant remember the word I said just before the word I'm saying now. And also I'm mourning the death of my partner.

But wait. She appears. Her eyes were more red than the devil is (yeezy).

She tells me that shes dying. I knew I was right. I look at her dead in the eyes and say 'we are fucking beasts, we are not dying, were fucking killing it'.

It didnt work. She was too far gone. She hid in the back whenever she could and I got through it.

Rode my bike 14 Miles home after the shift. Almost got assassinated by a few mean deer who were tracking me.

Woke up rode my bike 14 miles back to work for today's shift.

I still feel high. I'm on break, me and my partner are smoking clips again.

She didnt die.

I believe in jesus now because I didnt before because he was the only person who rose from the dead and I needed more proof of others doing the same. She is my proof.

Praise be to lord yeezus christ

TL;DR: my partner and i ate an edible that was 5 times stronger than what we were expecting at the beginning of our shift serving at a wedding; I worked an entire shift higher than snoop dogg in Soul Plane and my partner passed away for a few hours and I had to do everything by myself while also trying not to pass away.