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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by nicking myself while trimming my pubes and missing my date because my bathroom looked like a scene out of Dexter

I (24m) had a breakup somewhat recently and am just starting to get over it/ get excited about meeting new people. I met this really cute girl through some of my friends that is maybe a little out of my league and I was really excited to go out with her. Ive been taking care of myself much better physically lately, and I also felt the need to impress.

Now, I didn’t have hugely overgrown pubes or anything, but I thought I would go ahead and trim them down before the date to make sure I was looking good. This is where the TIFU happened. I somehow managed to nick the area between the shaft and balls quite badly with my electric razor (Not sure how I managed this), but almost immediately blood just starts gushing out. Like, a surprising amount of blood. I was frantically wiping away the blood with toilet paper and had a freak out moment. A lot was going through my mind. Do I need to go to the ER? Are one of my testicles going to just pop out of my scrotum? Will the bleeding stop?

At this point, I started feeling pretty woozy and did a little fall/ slide down the wall to reach a semi-prone position on the floor while holding tightly onto the giant wad of tissue that I believed was holding my testicles in. As I looked around the bathroom and saw the scene, I realized my hot date plans had just turned into me spending the night nursing my wounded testicles.

I ended up texting my date that my dog was sick because I’m a coward, and I think my excuse was a little lackluster because she was kind of just like, “ok”. But, to be fair, I was still in a panic when I sent that. It is now the next morning and the bleeding has finally stopped and I still have both testicles, however, I have definitely lost a date, lol. Also, the amount of blood definitely didn’t fit the size of the wound.

TL;DR: Nicked my nuts while shaving and had to miss my date due to the sheer quantity of blood that resulted.

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