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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by putting my hand in my pocket

Yesterday I was having a nice happy Sunday playing with my daughter (3) on our front porch. Starting when she was little and beginning to walk, she would always pick up little pebbles and other things off the ground and slide them into my pocket. It got to the point where she did it so often, I rarely noticed, and at the end of the day would find barrettes, little toys, rocks, sand, marbles, half eaten food she didn't want anymore, or whatever else she slipped into one of my pockets.

Going back to yesterday, my daughter and I left the porch and went inside the house, and while she was playing in the living room, I went into the kitchen to look for snacks. My wife asked me for some keys, so I absentmindedly reached into my pocket when I felt something soft and round. Not knowing what it was, I pulled out a soft oval shaped brown thing. My daughter had been eating some dried dates that her grandpa had made, and I initially dismissed this mysterious orb as an old date. After inspecting it for a few seconds, I had a feeling deep in my gu that this thing I'm holding onto may not be what I thought it was. I had to do it, folks. I hesitantly pulled this thing close enough to my nose to take the smallest of sniffs, knowing this was not going to end well.

It was a poop, y'all. An oval poop of unknown origin with smooth sides and a coat of pocket lint, as if it had been tumbling in my pocket for a while.

I immediately threw it away in the trash and washed my hands thoroughly for many minutes. I yelled for my wife and asked her if she happened to put a poop in my pocket, and she just looked at me with a confused look on her face. Our eyes collectively got bigger, and we shifted our focus to my daughter, who was happily playing with her toys on the floor. We both ran for her and got her to the sink to wash her hands. Then the questioning began.

We checked her pants, no poop. No marks on her clothes or hands. Nothing in any of our rooms to suggest a poop had taken place. We had her retrace her steps as best as a 3 year old could do, which took us on a tour through the house with a stop at every interesting thing she could find , but she finally led us outside to the porch, where she told us she found the little poop on our doormat. We have a lot of feral cats in the hood, so I'm guessing it once belonged to one of them before they gifted it to our family.

TLDR: Reached in my pocket, surprised to find a poop in there.

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