Skip to main content

TIFU by eating beef jerky

Post a Comment

TIFU by breaking my foot, having my dick stolen in a tgreesome then setting my house on fire

Edit: yeah I get a lot of people are just going to be angry just because of who I am and that's your own issue, its a bit sad you let that make you upset to be honest when you can live your life. But the reporting me as suicidal is boring and overplayed if you want to be an ass please do it in a way that's funny at the very least

As stupid as this sounds this is all true, alcohol was obviously involved and this actually happened yesterday.

Me and my friends managed to win some bottles of bubbly and a vip booth at the gay bar doing a quiz on Monday, so obviously rallied our friends together. We were living the high life, getting more drunk then we had any business being ordering round after round. In the midst of dancing I slipped off the platform of our booth and my foot fully got smashed as I fell, the pain was way worse than I thought it should be but I was drunk and in the midst of pulling so I decided I would just be fine and I spent the night hobbling. I figured I'd just sprained my ankle again and I was being silly. I was being an idiot mind you, just not the way I thought I was. We all just laughed it off determined to have a good night, I'm known for being clumsy anyway.

A fwb and one of his friends ended up spending most of the evening together and we all hit it off, as the club closed we somehow got back to mine, polished off my good whiskey and had some good old adult fun.

An important note is that I'm a transgender guy, and until I can get a particular surgery I have a detachable prothsetic I use for my own comfort, but I very much see it as part of me and its very freaky to not wear it. I had it fixed in my boxers and it came off when they did. So I wake up the morning after and I can't stand at all, my foot has balloned up and I realise I need to get my roommates to take me to the hospital. I scrounge around and find that someone took my boxers and left their own... my fucking dick got stolen! So after a brief freakout about how surreal this situation was I shamefully message around trying to locate it then check my flat group chat.

I'd gotten so wasted I'd blacked out and tried to make chicken wings, falling asleep with them still in our old gas oven. Thankfully the fire alarm (I'd slept though) rose them to action and they put out the literal raging fire on top of our oven and disposed of my cremated dinner, but of course they were not happy. Our kitchen is a state. The only thing saving me from being fully in the doghouse is how pitiful I am having to crawl everywhere.

And now I'm on crutches though my birthday and new years, out of work for weeks, dickless and avoiding drinking for the foreseeable future. And it goes without saying, I'm also thoroughly embarrassed.

TL;DR: got so drunk I broke my foot in the club and didn't realise, proceeded to have a threesome regardless and woke up without my boxers, my dick or my dignity, to find I had set my house on fire cooking chicken wings

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU By Fumbling My Gym Crush

I've never posted on Reddit before so apologies if anything is off. I (F) had a crush on a man at my gym for months. We would make extended eye contact frequently, workout in proximity, the usual gym things that get over analyzed when you like someone. He's wildly handsome, but I liked his vibe. A lot. It's hard to explain when someone's energy just hits different but his did. One day he started coming in with a woman. The day I saw her with him, he and I actually stared at each other from across the room for a while, and I turned and walked away because obviously gym rules - that's his girlfriend until I'm told otherwise. The eye contact continues and so does the proximity but I've dialed back completely because in my head, he has a girl and I am no home wrecker. Well, recently, on a Sunday, I was having a real shit day. I accidentally hurt my shoulder so my back day was all off, my body wasn't cooperating, the gym was packed - all I wanted to do w...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting called racist for not handing cash to a customer

today I (F18) fucked up by worked a long ahh shift and got put on register. I never hand money in people’s hands as customers have yelled at me for it, and i think it’s germy so I scoot it towards them as a sign of respect. this lady came in and after i did that she goes “Imma need you to do that again and put it in my hand, you did this last time too don’t you know it’s disrespectful” (meanwhile i haven’t worked register in 2 months at said job and didn’t recognize her) so i apologize, and then cuz it’s call off time i go talk to my boss about it and they all agree with me. apparently though she told my keyholder who’s a poc i was being RACIST by not touching her. so i got told i need to do better even though i didn’t do anything. she was insinuating i was a racist. idk if i should quit or what but i fucked up. TL;DR: i’m a dumbass
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by making a joke that landed horribly

I was talking to someone and thought I was being funny, but the second the words left my mouth I knew I had messed up. It was one of those jokes that sounds fine in your head and then just dies completely in real life. Nobody laughed, the mood got awkward instantly, and I could feel my face getting hot because I knew I had just made everything weird for no reason. What made it worse is that I tried to recover from it instead of just shutting up. So then I started talking more, which only made it more obvious that I was panicking. You know that feeling when you can hear yourself getting worse while it’s happening and you still can’t stop? yeah, that was me. I kept trying to act normal, but the whole thing was already gone. After that I just wanted to disappear and pretend it never happened. I’m still thinking about it way more than I should, which somehow makes it even more embarrassing. I really should have just kept my mouth shut for once. TL;DR: I tried to be funny and the joke...
Post a Comment
Read more