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TIFU by contacting an ex without knowing he was in a relationship

I feel like an absolute dimwit, to say the least.

Me and my ex broke up in March 2019, and he started dating my then-friend (we’ll call her Sarah) in July 2019. Since I was not over the guy and was stuck in a bad home situation, I did not deal with that well and dropped contact with both of them.

Fast forward to now, and I regret how things were left and I’m feeling nostalgic for the past. I message both of them and add them as a friend on Facebook. Both conversations are going well, and Sarah asks to be my friend. I accept. I ask my ex to be his friend. He accepts.

Well, the conversation continues and my ex briefly mentions that they’re still in a relationship, but Sarah only says that they’re “still in touch.” I say to Sarah that if it makes her uncomfortable, I’ll stop talking to him, since she said it upset her when I messaged him. I don’t want to cause a rift and I’m not a homewrecker. She agreed, so I messaged my ex saying that I no longer wished to speak with him out of respect for Sarah and their relationship. For context, I didn’t know they were in a relationship beforehand because Sarah’s profile didn’t have a relationship tag on them, and my ex’s is only visible when you add him as a friend, which I didn’t see until way too late.

My ex then said that it’s “not up to Sarah” if we stay in touch, and then he goes dark for a while. So does Sarah. After a few hours, I get a message back from Sarah saying that she no longer wishes to speak to me ever again and that I can talk to my ex as much as I want. She deletes her Facebook account.

I have no idea what happened, but I feel horrible. I shouldn’t have reached out to begin with. Disturbing their relationship was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to clear the air and deal with old regrets from the past, but it looks like sometimes the past is better left in the past. It definitely was in my case.

TL;DR I messaged my ex without knowing he was still in a relationship with my ex-friend and ended up accidentally ruining their relationship as a result

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