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TIFU by trying to pee in a cup.

Obligatory this didn't happen today. It was a couple years ago and I've been stewing in my shame since then. Today, I'm ready to let my shame go.

I am a woman and I have bladder issues (Thanks, multiple pregnancies!). I pee often. I know every single store in my area that has a public restroom because of this. I'm not at the point where I need to, um, wear assistance or anything yet, but I likely will eventually and I have accepted my damp fate.

One day, I was running errands for my cousins because their whole household was extremely sick. These errands required me to drive outside of my usual radius of safety. I knew I'd be a couple hours, so I didn't drink much water that morning. I was prepared.

But then I get an hour into the errands, I'm feeling great, and I decide I should get a small coffee to sip on while I finish the last hour of errands. Of course things don't go to plan. The last couple errands take so much longer than expected, I'm not familiar with this area at all, and suddenly I need to pee. And I mean, I need to right then. The problem is that I'm driving on a big and popular stretch of road, there's nothing but busy industrial buildings around for a few more miles, and I only have about 3 minutes before the inevitable happens.

I look around, desperately hoping to find an abandoned building or some inconspicuous bushes I can pee behind. No luck. But I do see an empty church parking lot! I pull over and ponder if I can squat behind the single tree next to the church when I realize I have a plastic cup in my backseat. I figured I could pee just a little bit into the cup to get by, dump it in the gutter, throw the cup away in the trash in front of the church, and then zoom to the nearest store or convenience store (maybe 10 minutes) so I could finish my business. So I awkwardly positioned myself over the cup while still in my car so no one driving by would see me.

Well, that didn't go to plan either. Did you know the average human bladder can hold at least 16 ounces of urine? I don't know how small that cup was, but it was not 16 ounces and once I started, it wasn't stopping. I was able to slow the flow right as the cup was filling to the brim, but the second I moved the cup, the water tension broke and pee splashed all over the seat in my car, down my leg, and on the floor. I did my best to steady my hand, but the overflowing cup dribbled everywhere as I shamefully pulled it out from under me. I exited my car, dumped the sin in the gutter, and discarded the evidence. I stumbled back to my car and was mortified at the sight of my seat. I hadn't spilled just a little bit, it had soaked my entire seat. And I still need to drive about 20 minutes to get back to my cousin's!

Luckily, I had an old shirt in my trunk so I sat on that and a wad of napkins, pulled back onto the road, and contemplated if my children were worth this misery. My cousin's daughter then asked why I smelled funny when I dropped off their groceries. I said I stepped in something while I was out and immediately went home to scrub my car with every cleaning product I own. It still took three or four days for the smell to go away. And I still don't think I've ever fully gotten the awful feeling of warm pee dripping down my fingers scrubbed off.

Anyway, if this ever happens again, I'll just shamelessly squat behind my car in the parking lot instead of trying to contain myself. I hope it doesn't though. I also never drink coffee outside of my own house now.

TLDR: I tried to pee in a cup and spilled it all over my car.

(And, yes, my doctor knows about my issues. We're trying some new medications and exercises. I do not need any medical advice- Thank you! I have also started carrying more things in my car to be prepared in case I ever get myself in a similar situation again. LOL)

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