TIFU by asking my partner to show me her IG DMs, the night before we were supposed to get married.

Sorry for the wall of text, on mobile and formatting is hard.

I was supposed to get married on Friday. The night before, I asked my partner to show me her Instagram direct messages. I’ve been cheated on many times in the past, and this wouldn’t be my first marriage. When the gut knows, it knows. She willingly obliged, and immediately I noticed there was a message thread from a guy, whom she now had blocked, as of about 2 weeks ago. At first she would barely scroll back, and say “see? It’s just talking about cats and stuff.” But, I could tell she was intentionally trying to control the scrolling to avoid things. I pressed the guy’s name so it showed a list of all attachments in the thread, and sure enough there was a nude she had sent me back in September. I said “I thought you said you took that the same day you sent it to me?” She tried lying by saying “ok I actually took it before that, so this was from way before”. So I asked her to scroll to that day in September, and sure enough, there was the nude. Along with comments from him saying things like “sit on my face” and her calling him babe, amongst other flirting messages. She then lied again and said it was just a flirt she didn’t know how to shake, and that she had never been physically intimate with him. After a little more pressing and pointing out inconsistencies in her story, turns out they did sleep together “4 years ago” but who knows if that is actually true or if it was when we were together. Around Christmas Eve, she had said something to him like “I should have sent u home with it” meaning he was at her house at least on Christmas Eve. They continued to talk up to at least 2-3 weeks ago, when she apparently finally blocked him and decided to focus on our relationship. I asked her if she told him about us, she said yes. She said she told him on the phone. Another lie. Her default is to lie when she panics apparently. She never did tell him. She deleted her texts with him so I didn’t even get to see those to see just how damning they were, or find out 100% if they fucked or anything else physical during the time we had been together.

The nude photos and obvious flirting seemed to mostly die down after October, but there were still a ton of “one-time view” videos on Instagram going back and forth almost daily until a few weeks ago. She claims it was all “cat stuff” but I’ll never really know. She claims she stopped flirting with him after October. Without the texts to see though, again, I’ll never know the full truth. She also at first didn’t seem to think there was anything wrong with continuing a friendship with him after the flirting stopped, perpetuating a damaging “friendship” because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and continuing to lead him on by sending him videos and talking to him almost daily, never telling him she was in a monogamous relationship.

The worst part of all of this? She knows my past. We were best friends in our late teens/early 20’s. We lost contact for a while but reconnected early 2021. She’s been my best friend again since we reconnected. We hang out almost every day. We talk almost constantly in our time away from each other physically. She knows I’ve been cheated on in almost every relationship I’ve ever been in. She knows I went to therapy and had tons of healing, and that I had been single for 3+ years by choice prior to getting with her, because I knew I had too much healing to do from past relationships. She promised to never do that to me, that she would never hurt me and there would be no one else. We discussed boundaries multiple times and what we’d be uncomfortable/not ok with. Even still, she was cheating.

She said she was planning on telling me, but this was the night before our wedding I found out on my own. I have a very hard time believing she would have told me. But who knows. I’m plagued by “what if’s.”

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read. Currently dying inside.

TLDR: was supposed to get married Friday, found out the night before she had been cheating for at least 50+% of our relationship.