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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

TIFU: by going with my wife to a nude beach

A bunch of my wife’s friends were talking at dinner the other night how they miss going to nude beach when they were younger. We’re not old, mid 30s but my wife had told me she went in the past with this group of friends… some which are still single and some married. So at this dinner, I said that would be fun, I’ve always wanted to go… let’s do it. My wife protested and protested saying how she didn’t want to go, how it would be weird now and so on but I persisted. Eventually I convinced her and a few of her friends (the single ones) to go today.

We get there and all of a sudden my courage dropped significantly, in my mind hanging out with a bunch of naked women was an amazing thing but once our feet hit the sand and we saw other people naked I started to hesitate… the girls pressed forward, they were very excited and they dragged me along saying how this was my idea so I complied. We found a spot and set up our chairs and towels and one by one each girl stripped down, my wife went last and then there was me. I was fiddling around, trying to find things in my bag and trying to delay when one of the girls just tugs my bathing suit off… this was it… for some reason I thought it was a good idea to shave all my pubes and when the girl saw my she replied with “oh that’s interesting” I laughed and said I figured I’d make it look presentable. My wife chimes in and says out of the blue, don’t worry he’s a grower not a shower and everyone laughed. We all sat and people watched for a little while until I see a guy walking towards us with a porn start sized dick smiling and looking straight at my wife. He was walking over with another girl who I just kept my eyes on and once he got to our area he says “hey (my wife’s name) it’s so good to see you” my wife stood up and said “hey chris and they hugged each other… I thought it to be so odd and I was a little defensive that this naked guy was hugging my naked wife. Chris introduced the girl he was with has his wife and my wife turned to me introduces me and says Chris is an old friend from college… immediately my brain starts trying to remember any names she’s talked about but I just stood there while they made small talk. I looked at my wife’s friends and they just had these giddy school girl faces. Chris eventually departed our area and one of my wife’s friends said “is that chris your ex?”, I was left out of the conversation but I just stared at other people while they made jokes and comments about the size of his dick. Her one friend who is always a smart ass looks over to me and jokingly says we’ll we guess he’s a shower… the girls all laughed and my wife’s cheeks were beat red. I rebutted to the their laughter and said the age old ‘it’s not the size that matters it’s how you use it’ and of course the smart ass girl says to my wife “is that true (wife’s name)” to which she replied no comment and smiled.

TL;DR went to the nude beach with my wife and her friends and her very hung ex showed up.

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