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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by leaving out a handmade dildo

Ok, so technically this happened two days ago, not today. Why didn't I post it two days ago? Because two days ago I felt like taking this embarrassing story to my grave. But today I'm feeling generous.

For context, I'm a 21-year-old woman who has never even had a crush on someone, let alone dated or had sex with anyone. I do masturbate though. Usually I just flick the bean, but recently I got the idea to try putting something inside, since people seem to enjoy doing that. But I'm not about to go out and buy a dildo. So I used some air-dry clay I had on hand to make a small, smooth, penis-like object. Fast forward a bit: two days ago, I used it. Afterwards, I cleaned it up and left it next to the bathroom sink. And then I just walked away and forgot about it. Until my roommate came home.

About my roommate: she is INCREDIBLY repulsed by anything sexual. She won't even wash her own vagina because she's worried she might accidentally masturbate. So anyway, she comes home, greets me, and then walks away. A few minutes later she comes to me looking uncomfortable and slightly terrified and goes, "um, um, there's a phallic object in the bathroom and I don't know what to do!" In my head I'm like, oh fuck, but fortunately I have a really good automatic poker face. I nonchalantly respond, "oh right, I'll go get that" and as I grab it, I say, "yeah, it's just something I made out of clay". My roommate immediately breathes a sigh of relief and says, "oh good, I thought it was a dildo". I laugh as if the idea is preposterous.

After that, things seemed to go back to normal. I wouldn't say I dodged a bullet, but I think I got away with just being grazed.

TL;DR: I nearly traumatized my sensitive roommate (and myself) by leaving out a clay dildo I made.

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