TIFU by telling my landlord my bathroom smells like sewage.

She literally just left. I am beyond mortified.

We had an inspection today. To start off with, our landlord is really nice. She's always there to talk to if we have any problems and she's quite reasonable. We haven't had an irl inspection for over a year (covid) so we went all out making sure every inch of the place was sparkling. Recently we noticed that there was a smell coming from the floor drain in the main bathroom.

She arrives and we have pleasant small talk about the weather, etc. She asks if there's anything that we'd like to bring to their attention and I said "there's a weird smell coming from the drain in the bathroom"

"Oh ok I'll go check it out"

She goes in to the bathroom, and is there for like 5 minutes. I hear "oh uh..." And then nothing for a solid 60 seconds. I'm sitting on the couch thinking "wtf? Did she hurt herself or something?" Then I hear:

"Hey (insert my name), can you uh... Come and clear out the cupboard underneath the sink so I can see the pipes?"

Oh fuck.

Oh no.

Oh fuck.

I walk in and there it is.

The 8" dildo. There. On the floor with the sex toy cleaner, the anal douche and the lube along with a bunch of other stuff that was under the sink.

Time freezes until I realize I'm the only one that can and will do anything to salvage this situation.

"Yep lemme just get this outta your way" I say trying to keep a straight face while I throw up inside as I take all of it and shove it to the side... It's too late to hide it now. The damage has been done.

She had to leave the room. She had to leave the room and inspect the rest of the house before coming back in and checking the pipes.

Meanwhile I'm holding my breath and wincing internally every time her head swivels in my direction. I am dead. I'm getting flashbacks to my parents finding that photo of Carmen Electra on my first smartphone when I was like 14.

She's done with the inspection and heads to the door.

"By the way I'm so sorry I have to look in people's stuff-" she says trying to ease the horror of what has just happened to us both.

"No no it's fine...I brought it on myself... Thanks for uh... Inspecting the smell" I say, wishing for this moment to be over.

"Well, have a good afternoon"

"Ok you too"

I shut the door and crawl into a ball before pulling my phone out and typing this.

TLDR: the landlord found sex stuff on a routine inspection of the house.

EDIT: The smell was from inside the pipes under the house... Apparently they've moved or something and it's caused the pipes to move as well, trapping old water in them. They're going to change some of the pipes and concrete part of the back yard to fix it.

EDIT 2: thanks Dominus_Aranaerum for figuring out what might be making the smell! "This is what p-traps are for. They hold water and block sewer gasses from coming up through the drain.

If the pipes under the house moved, trapped water isn't causing the smell. A break in the pipes, often at a joint would allow gasses to escape and cause the smell. Or, your toilet isn't fully sealed to the closet flange anymore."