TIFU by "slapping the beef" in front of my 6yo

This happened last night. Let me set the scene.

Yesterday, my wife (36) and daughter (13) tested positive for covid and are banished to one or both of their bedrooms. My oldest son (18) never leaves his room because video games = life, but has also been feeling pretty shitty despite a negative test result, though he has already had covid once. This leaves my youngest son (6) and me (35m) being the only ones in the house to feel fine, test negative, and have never contracted the virus and thusly have free reign of the rest of the house. As any decent father/husband would do, I sent them all a group text explaining that if this was a zombie virus, they would all be dead and 6yo and I would be our family's sole survivors and have to find a way to carry on without them. They laughed, called me an asshole and asked when dinner would be done and so I begin preparing the meal.

The scene is set.

I love corned beef. Not just for St. Patrick's Day, but all year. My wife does not love corned beef. She does not like it or even tolerate it. Mostly. 2 nights ago I spent several hours preparing a corned beef because we had planned to make corned beef hash for dinner last night. My wife will only eat corned beef if it's my homemade corned beef hash. Regardless of everyone's sick status, I continued to prepare corned beef hash for dinner.

6yo is in the kitchen with me as I gather the onion, garlic, butter, potatoes, etc. He is quite helpful and especially loves helping in the kitchen. As we finish up our dicing and prep work I go the the fridge and grab the corned beef that was prepared the night before, (boiled twice, slow roasted at low temp, tender, delicious, wrapped in foil), place it on the counter and ask 6yo if he was excited for dinner. He asks, "What are we having again?" forgetting what it's called. To which I reply excitedly "CORNED BEEF HASH" and smack the wrapped meat with my hand.

I did not smack this chunk of protein with my dominant hand, but as luck would have it, I did smack it with the hand that has my Fitbit secured around the wrist. At the exact moment I assaulted the roast my Fitbit begins violently vibrating to alert me that I have reached my step goal for the day. I remark, "Cool. Apparently that got me my final steps for the day." 6yo asks, "What did? Slapping the beef?" I suppress a chuckle and reply with a simple, "Yes" thinking that would be the end of it. Nope. Wrong

6yo proceeds to tell me I need to slap the beef every day to make sure I meet my step goal. Then he tells me that he wants a Fitbit so he can slap the beef and meet his step goals. After this he runs at a full sprint down the back hall towards, but not into, my room, currently housing my wife and daughter, and tells the two of them that dad got his step count by slapping the beef and he's going to get a Fitbit so he can slap the beef and both of us are going to slap the beef every day to make sure that we get our steps in and meet our goals.

I head down the hall towards him. I hear my wife and daughter laughing hysterically. I kneel down, look him in the eye and tell him in as normal of a tone as I can manage, "That's a secret men have kept from women for thousands of years. You're not supposed to tell them that. It's for men only." and I wink. His face lights up. He loves secrets. Who doesn't? He proceeds to tell his mom and sister to forget what they heard. He tells them that they know nothing. Lastly he informs them that we will slap the beef when they aren't around. Then I took off my Fitbit and made a delicious meal.

TL;DR: Smacked a piece of meat in front of my son which unintentionally earned my step goal on my fitbit. Son proceeded to tell his mom and sister that he and I were going to slap the beef every day to make sure we reach our Fitbit goals.