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TIFU after going for a run by the beach

The Walmart lady from a couple of days ago made me remember this FU. Posting from a TA for obvious reasons.

Obligatory, this happened a couple of months ago.

I live ~10 min walk from the beach. Some Saturday morning I decide to go or a run there. Run 6k and then go to meet my wife, who has come to the beach as well. Then she wants to take a walk, the weather was nice, so I go along.

10 min into the walk I start to feel the "internal revolutions". We have some sort of code to tell each other whenever we need to take a dump. I sinalize that to her and she tells me to rush home.

I try to run, but I am already too tired after the run from before and also the feel that I would start leaking poo anytime don't help. So I try to speed walk home. The problem is that the cramps waves are accelerating. Constantly I have to stop, concentrate, await for it to go away and resume walking. I do this a couple of times, but I can feel the pressure building up in.

I pass by a couple of people coming and going to the beach on my way home, desperately trying to not let anyone know what is happening.

By the time I'm already in front of my building, I simply can't hold it anymore. I release the most insane amount of crap I've ever seen. Next comes a mixture of relief and cringe that I can't find the words to describe.

Lucky me, I'm not wearing boxers, but a regular underwear, so it manages to keep all that crap in place. However there is a large bulge in the back of my shorts that would hardly pass unnoticed.

As I rush into my building, one of the neighbors is coming back from a walk with her dog. I greet her and say something to the dog trying not to lose my composure.

However the dog was all over me. While humans couldn't sense the sheer smell of shit coming out of me, the goodboy knows exactly what was happening. The doggo starts to visibly sniff and after a couple of seconds gives me a dead look, probably thinking: "I know what you did there hoo-man... or should I say poo-man?".

At this point I start to feel that there was more to come and my underwear is already at full crap capacity. I rush through the garage into the entrance or the apartment block where I live. I wouldn't dare take the elevator and maybe cross paths with another neighbor. So I take the stairs. Lucky me, I live in the 1st floor.

As I enter my apartment I start to feel my underwear slowing letting the shit leak. I rush to the bathroom and what follows is a real literal shitshow. I turned the bathroom into a gore horror movie scenario.

Lucky me my wife stays at the beach long enough so I can shower and clean the bathroom. Tossed the underwear directly into the toilet garbage can and immediately put it out. The shorts were in a salvageable state, so I just washed it in the shower.

At this point I start to reflect about all the thing I have done in my life that led to that mess.

TL;DR: went on a run by the beach, started having intestinal issues and shat myself on my way home. The neighbor's dog almost gave me out.

Edit: grammar and nasty detail.

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