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TIFU by drinking a kirkland signature brand gatorade after sex

technically happened a year ago. also technically a mutual fuck up.

on my second date with my now girlfriend, i went over to her house, presumably with the intention of getting it on. so we ordered burgers from a local burger place and watched a movie together. we actually ended up watching the entire movie before we started getting hot and heavy.

we were downstairs on her couch for a minute, and things were getting hot. i was super into it, so when she asked me to go upstairs i was like, um obviously. but before we went up, she went into her fridge and grabbed a kirkland signature brand red gatorade for me and one for herself (the generic costco brand, for those who aren't familiar) (also, i am incredibly charmed by this move).

this was almost exactly a year ago, meaning it was june. and we live in the southern US, so it was hot*.* the temperature downstairs was perfectly fine, but upstairs was warm. she had the AC going, but it hadn't cooled down nearly to the level downstairs was at. we start getting into it and, naturally, we both get even hotter (in both senses of the world).

things are escalating, clothes are coming off. but then she stops and tells me she has to pause. she sits on the edge of the bed breathing hard and i ask if she's okay. she tells me "i have a tiny heart problem." i start panicking that i've accidentally killed her, but she says it's fine, she just needs a minute. she goes over to the sink and tries to drink a sip of water. this was her fuckup, because immediately she starts throwing up in the sink (the toilet was like 5 feet away).

at first i'm unsure what to do but i get up, half undressed, and just sort of rub her back while she throws up. eventually she calms down and we lay down next to each other. honestly at this point, i'm still horny and everything up until 5 minutes ago was really hot. so i'm like ....

we get it back on, this time at a slightly more manageable face. we do the thing and i'm satisfied. but then i start to feel a little off. i reach over to her nightstand and grab the kirkland signature brand red gatorade and take a sip. this was my fuckup.

immediately, i know where this is going. i also know there's a sink full of vomit between myself and the toilet in her room. she's told me where her other bathroom is (on account of the sink full of vomit) so i rush in and shut the door. at which point i start throwing up. i realize as i sit on the floor of my date's bathroom that eating burgers and fries then trying to have sex in a hot room is a terrible idea. and drinking kirkland signature brand red gatorade after eating burgers and fries and having sex in a hot room is a really terrible idea. besides*,* everyone knows red is the worst flavor of gatorade.

anyway, i finish doing my business and come out to find her sitting on the couch with a glass of water waiting for me. we talk for a while after, and i go home at like 2 in the morning. and while you might think that neither one of us would have wanted to see the other's face again, i think the mutual fuckup equalized the embarrassment. somehow, this fuckup ended up being a wonderfully solid foundation to form a relationship on, and we've now been together a year.

tl;dr: now gf and i eat a heavy meal then start having sex in a hot room. she throws up in the sink. we continue having sex, after which i take a sip of kirkland signature brand red gatorade to cool off and i throw up in her other toilet.

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