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Tifu by using masterbation as anger management and provoking the menstrual gods.

This happened a couple of days ago and it’s a lengthy story but I need to get it out. I (f16) have been struggling lately. This is because of my social life, I’ll be frank I don’t really want friends I didn’t have them in grade school and was happy as anything. But I’m high school it’s like I’m now a magnet to annoying people. I say annoying people because of how they view their social life. It’s like their life depends on what people think of them. Every little drama is overblown or just not real. I’m sick on being forced to care about it. I may sound like an AH but I feel so above it all.

Anyway I don’t get much alone time which I crave. Especially since a girl I’ll call Kate developed out of nowhere a fixation with me. Honestly she was never nice to me or anyone for that matter but suddenly she will not leave me alone. I’d be lucky if I could go to the bathroom alone. She stuck to me despite every one of my attempts to get her to leave me. Don’t mistake this for her being nice to me she wasn’t she just acted like we were friends.

So one day I had a free period and lunch immediately after so I panned to sit myself in the library and read my book for two hours to relieve some tension. Guess who I bumped into on my way to the library. Kate who did not have a free period asked me where I was going I said I had a free period and she said she wouldn’t want me to be alone and would skip class to come to the library with me.

I’m not proud of it but something inside me snapped. I pulled her into an empty class room and straight up said “why are you following me, your act like a bitch and you treat me like crap but at the same time out of nowhere try acting like my best friend!” So she broke down in scream crying which could only be crocodile tears or evidence of a real problem in her head. She screamed at me “why would you say that I’ve been so good to you, I’ve been allowing you to hang with me for so long. I swear I’ll kill myself because of what you said.”

At this stage it’s ten minutes into class and we’re in a restricted area and a teacher who heard the screaming walked in and sent us both to the office. Somehow from the beginning Kate was the victim she said that I told her to kill herself (I didn’t) and that I called her a dumb sl_t for ever believing a boy I didn’t know existed would ever be interested in her. I heard all this through thin walls and I just told the truth, however the teacher heard her screaming about her killing herself and misheard that as me telling her to kill herself.

For context on what’s about to happen let me say I come from a deeply catholic family, I attend a deeply catholic school. I’ve known I was an atheist for years but never bothered to say anything. My parents also have power in the school for whatever reason.

So my parents are called and I tell them the truth, they believe me and convince the principle not to give any punishment. I’m taken home early when we get home my parents sit me down on the couch and ask “you didn’t say those things did you?” I said no and they said swear on Gods name while holding the crucifix…second time today I snapped. I said your joking they didn’t like that response and there was no going back for me I told them despite my rigorous study of the bible it only reduced my faith after seeing it’s flaws.

I think I gave them a heart attack my mother acted all fluttered and my father whispered to me to go to my room. I did and stayed there the rest of the day.

Now I bet your wondering hmm where does the title fit into this well wait no longer. For context I have a weird and potentially f_cked up way of dealing with anger. When I’m angry with someone (except family) I pull out my pillow and you know… go to town on it. I imagine it’s the face of the person I’m angry at and in some twisted way it helps. It’s weird but I can’t bring myself to look up whether it’s actually common or just me being messed up.

So surprise surprise I get out my pillow and imagine Kates face as I ride it. I was particularly aggressive that night and suddenly everything got very wet. The immediate panic was nothing compared to what I felt when I turned the light on. Blood everywhere, the pillow the bed. I sat and cried for a good ten minutes then went and found my parents. I just told them, I was masterbating and obviously had my period.

My Mum broke down in tears and I felt it appropriate to go for a walk. When I came back everyone was in bed and my sheets where changed. I went to sleep and slept in the next morning “Saturday” when I got up my Mum and Dad with monotone voices instructed me to sit down. They said that they clearly made mistakes in raising me and they were sorry for that. They said I won’t be going back to my school but will be required to write an apology letter. Then for the rest of the year I will be going to a “catholic correctional boarding school.”

I’m done I just left the house. When I came back nothing was brought up but the tension in the air could’ve killed. It’s Sunday night now nothing has been brought up so I guess I’m not going to school tomorrow.

TL;DR I confronted my stalker and after being wrongly disciplined, used questionable anger management techniques and now my parents think I’m a monster or something.

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