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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by making my new roommates think I'm an alcoholic

A month ago, I had moved into a new place with two friends-of-friends, who I'll call Ram and Joe. They're both really chill and we have a lot in common. They make dinner for each other sometimes and hang out, and they've been inviting me to join them.

That's not the problem. The problem is my drinking problem: aka the stupid amount of sparkling water I consume. Like I'm talking 4 cans a day minimum. I don't want to take up half the big fridge with my waters so I have a minifridge in my room which only has sparkling water of different brands. (My go-to is LaCroix and Perrier.) I go to Costco and I stock up in bulk about once a month.

I work from home and my roommates don't, so I stay in my room a lot during the day. I keep a trashbag next to my desk so I can just toss the empty cans without going back and forth with the kitchen trashcan. After the bag gets too full I take it out to the trash chute, and I usually take the kitchen trashbag if it's full at the same time, because might as well.

I was doing the Perrier can pilgrimage from my room a week ago, and Joe and his girlfriend Maria were watching a movie in the common space. Maria is over a lot, and she's sweet but very quiet especially with me. So I was shocked when she asked super loudly, "What's in the trashbag?"

Since I was surprised I fumbled over my words, but I tried to explain that it was just sparkling water cans. But I guess I wasn't that convincing. Maria just stared at me and didn't say anything, so I just walked out like the world's worst jingling Santa Claus and threw away the trash. I thought that was kind of weird, but I forgot about it.

A few days after that, Ram, Joe, and Maria sat me down before dinner for an intervention. Maria said that they know I'm an alcoholic and they want me to get help.

I was so fucking confused at this point that I didn't say anything. I'm actually sensitive to alcohol, I have a stupid low tolerance and it makes me turn red and I get a massive headache. At most I get talked into half a glass of wine with dinner once a month, and then I always regret it.

Anyway, Maria starts listing all the reasons I'm an alcoholic.

  1. the bag of empty cans, I must be binge-drinking in there.
  2. I have lots of mouthwash in the bathroom that I'm using to cover the smell
  3. my eyes are always red
  4. I stay awake at odd times and I don't interact with people because I'm drinking

They all tell me that they're here for me and they want to help me. Well Joe and Maria tell me that, I think Ram was a little confused about what was happening too but he was enthusiastic about helping me.

I'm still a little shocked at this point, but part of me is a little touched they're holding an intervention for someone they don't know that well and the other part of me is finding this hysterical. So I go through each of the points that Maria brought up.

  1. it's sparkling water
  2. I go to Costco a lot and they had mouthwash in bulk one time and I just bought a bunch since it was a good deal, I've just been going through the stock. (It's 3 bed 2 bath, and Ram gets one to himself because he pays a bigger share of the rent. Joe and I share one, which Maria also uses when she comes over, so I guess she noticed then.)
  3. This one's also embarrassing, but I've been crying a lot. I had to move out from my old place suddenly because my partner broke up with me and I'm not over it. So I kind of look like shit sometimes.
  4. The above, but also deadlines are coming up so I've been swamped with work.

I can tell they don't fully believe me so I show them my LaCroix Lair and then I can see it hit them. Maria and Joe look incredibly embarrassed and Ram also looks embarrassed but I think he found it funny too because he cleared his throat a few times.

They all apologized for being intrusive and assuming things like a hundred times, but I tell them it's really okay, that it's kind of sweet, not to worry about it. Joe apologized to me again yesterday and Maria baked me cookies lol. Things are kind of awkward still but they're still inviting me to hang with them so I think things will be okay.

TL;DR: I have a drinking problem, but not that kind of drinking problem.

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