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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU making chili.

I decided to make chili this morning so I went out to the garden, grabbed some habeneros, cayenne peppers, chili peppers, tomatoes and some bell peppers. Grabbed the beef from the freezer and started dicing everything up/ browning the beef and what not. Finished everything, threw it in the crock pot to sit for a couple hours and then laid on the couch. Since I live alone sometimes I just sprawl out on the couch and have one hand on my balls. Well a few minutes later they start burning. Then I remembered, I never washed my hands after touching all of the hot peppers.

So immediately I jump up and run to the shower to try rinsing them off, but that just spreads the capsaicin to my inner thighs and rest of my balls. Then I read online rubbing alcohol could help but that too just makes it worse. So now about 2 hours later I’m just laying in pain not knowing what to do.

TLDR: rubbed habenero pepper juice on my balls.

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