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TIFU by getting really drunk and losing all my friends

Yesterday, my friend invited me over to a friendsgiving. It all started out fun and all, but eventually I had one drink too many and ended up being really aggressive and mean to everyone there.

Ive never had this problem before, ive never insulted someone or said the things that i said last night in my life not without reason. Im not an aggressive or a mean person at all. I have no idea how last night happened.

I had a trouble filled childhood, i used to be really mean. I still have remnants of this. Ive tried so damn hard for the past 3 years to be as nice as possible, but ive been completely alone regardless. Its ironic, that when i was younger and an asshole I had many friends. For the past 3 years, ive been nice or trying to be and completely alone. Finally, about a half year ago, i met a wonderful guy who became a good friend. We hung out every week or so.

It really pains me that what could have been a wonderful friendship is ruined because i got too drunk and said things i dont mean. I dont even remember them at all. I only know this happened because i woke up not remembering anything and asked him what happened.

Now, i have no more friends and no idea what to do with myself. I am glad i kept myself distanced from them, all my friendships have ended one way or another. Usually my fault. Ive tried so damn hard to learn and not be a bad person, but thanks to good ole captain morgan, it didnt matter.

Tl;dr: i got really drunk and insulted my friend, his gf, and all his guests. I dont know why i did this. Im all alone again now.

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