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TIFU By reading wattpad smut at the age of 13

I (20F) was having sex for the first time with my boyfriend (20M). It was hurting but since we had an emotional conversation prior to it I was feeling ok pain wise.

It was missionary position so I was literally laying down and doing nothing except the occasional back scratch or holding his face. Suddenly I remembered the smut I had read on wattpad 7 years ago, it was something like the male character encouraging the female to basically cum for him, in a possessive, assertive and dominating way. I thought it would be sexy to I kept repeating with force "his name CUM FOR ME".

I believe until recently that it was sexy but today my boyfriend wouldnt stop telling me that he was scared for his life and he felt like if he didn't cum I'd eat him alive. And now I'm cringing so hard that I literally am so embarrassed of those three words that I kept repeating during our first time. He mimics me and he told me to open my eyes as wide as I can, in a scary way and he was like that was exactly your expression during sex and that he was sacred (joking and teasing manner ofcourse!).

I just want to undo that moment and my boyfriend is having such a good laugh about it.

TL;DR- by telling my boyfriend to cum for me thinking it was sexy but now I'm scarred for life as he mimics me.

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