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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU. Thought I had to pass gas. Guessed wrong.

This happened a little while ago. I was toying with posting, but I decided that I have to tell someone. Using a throwaway account.

While vacationing in another country where food is known for making you gassy, I fucked up.

I had just woken up. My stomach was kind of rumbling as it sometimes does in the mornings. My partner was still asleep, so I quietly get up to use the bathroom. I quickly realized that I could not hold the gas in until I made it down the hall to the bathroom. So I did the whole pull your butt cheeks apart thing, so I could discreetly poot. I’m standing at the foot of the bed, bare ass, holding my cheeks apart, and it happens. No air. Just poo. Right there on the hardwood floor. Just a bit, enough to shock me. Without anything in the room to cleanup with, I quickly slipped pants on and ran to the toilet where I was able to finish. Thankfully my partner didn’t wake up during the whole thing and I was able to make it back to the room with a few things to clean up what I have done. Never in my adult life.

TLDR: Ate gassy food. Guessed my bodily function incorrectly. Poo’d on floor. Got away with everything but my dignity.

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