Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by jumping on my own damn trampoline

This just happened a few hours ago.

It's been nice out recently, and my kids and I have spent a lot of time on our backyard trampoline. I love trampolines, always have, and luckily my kids do too.

I work from home, and I felt like getting some fresh air, so I went out and started jumping on the trampoline a little just for fun and some exercise. We've got a basketball hoop on there, so I was bouncing around, dunking the ball, just having fun. I'm 42 with some minor knee issues, so I was taking breaks here and there; there's nothing more comfortable than taking a micro-nap on a trampoline on a cool spring day with the sun shining.

I didn't bother to change my clothes beforehand, so I was wearing the same old ripped jeans, wrinkly stained white v-neck undershirt, and trucker hat that I'd been wearing while building Drupal websites for work all day. I also have a fairly bushy beard and haven't showered yet today, so my hair is all bed-headed and my beard is kinda unkempt (I clean up nice, I swear). In hindsight, I can see how this might have looked a little strange, since I was on a trampoline with no kids in sight, and my attire wasn't really appropriate for the activity. Also, something about bouncing on a trampoline makes me laugh, so I'm always grinning like an psychopath the whole time.

The other factor was my dog. He does not approve of the trampoline. Whenever someone is on it, he's running around frantically, barking at the top of his lungs. Usually, I put him inside, but I didn't really care this time since it was just me, and frankly his reaction is kind of funny. But the way he barks about anything, he sounds pretty alarmed if you don't know him. Almost as if I was an intruder who didn't belong on that trampoline.

I was on there for about an hour. I was taking a nap on the trampoline when I was awoken by someone saying "SIR! SIR!" I opened my eyes and there were two police officers staring at me through the mesh safety wall of the trampoline.

Apparently someone had observed a middle-aged bearded guy, wearing ratty clothes, jumping on a trampoline all by himself, intermittently napping on said trampoline, with an alarmed dog running around the trampoline barking at him, and thought, "This doesn't look right." And then called 911.

In hindsight, I get it. I'm 6'4", lanky, and just don't look like I belong on a trampoline in any way, certainly not ALONE on a trampoline. I probably would have thought I was on meth or something too.

The cops very firmly insisted that I exit the trampoline, which I did - BUT the opening in the netting just isn't meant for someone my size, and I was suddenly nervous, so I fumbled with it for a bit and then kinda half-fell out of the trampoline. Didn't look good. (Here I should mention - I was totally stone sober.) Little did they know that this is pretty much how I always exit the trampoline; it's never graceful.

They were pretty skeptical of me for a minute or two, but it didn't take too long to clear things up. They were pretty cool about it and we even laughed a little by the end, even though their general demeanor told me that they still thought I was a fucking weirdo. Which I guess I am, but whatever.

TL;DR: jumped on my own trampoline while looking like a crazy homeless guy, someone called the cops.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more