Skip to main content

TIFU by eating an entire block of cheese.

what the title says. today, i had a weird and almost unquenchable craving for cheese. it was bad, really bad. it felt like im a pregnant woman craving something weird.

in my cheese craven misery, i got up and went to my kitchen to find some cheese. its about 1 am at this point, and im not thinking super straight, so i thought "fuck it, let's microwave the entire block like i did during my childhood!" and i did. i took the cheese out and put it in a plate, microwaving it for about 2 minutes. it came out all gooey and nice, like what you'd expect on a grilled sandwich.

i sat down and started gobbling on the now melted cheese. for the record, i am not lactose intolerant. i feasted upon the cheese like it was my last meal before an execution.

i am now laid on my bed, regretting every life decision leading up to this point. i have never felt such horrible stomach pains from eating cheese. it feels like i am going to implode. everything hurts and im sweating from the pain. lactose has never caused me trouble before, but i believe ive met my match. an entire block of tillsit cheese, melted in a microwave. god, everything hurts. i believe i am constipated. it is almost 4 am and the only thing keeping me awake is the aching pains and gurgles my bowels are producing. it feels like satan himself has entered my body.

TLDR; ate too much cheese, in incredibly agonizing pain.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more