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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by eating an entire block of cheese.

what the title says. today, i had a weird and almost unquenchable craving for cheese. it was bad, really bad. it felt like im a pregnant woman craving something weird.

in my cheese craven misery, i got up and went to my kitchen to find some cheese. its about 1 am at this point, and im not thinking super straight, so i thought "fuck it, let's microwave the entire block like i did during my childhood!" and i did. i took the cheese out and put it in a plate, microwaving it for about 2 minutes. it came out all gooey and nice, like what you'd expect on a grilled sandwich.

i sat down and started gobbling on the now melted cheese. for the record, i am not lactose intolerant. i feasted upon the cheese like it was my last meal before an execution.

i am now laid on my bed, regretting every life decision leading up to this point. i have never felt such horrible stomach pains from eating cheese. it feels like i am going to implode. everything hurts and im sweating from the pain. lactose has never caused me trouble before, but i believe ive met my match. an entire block of tillsit cheese, melted in a microwave. god, everything hurts. i believe i am constipated. it is almost 4 am and the only thing keeping me awake is the aching pains and gurgles my bowels are producing. it feels like satan himself has entered my body.

TLDR; ate too much cheese, in incredibly agonizing pain.

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