TIFU by telling my friend that our other friend’s husband doesn’t like her.

I posted this on AITA twice and got removed twice for not following rules. I was deemed AH by the majority of the comments before it got removed, and I can see now why.

So I (27M) have this friend, Faith (26F), who I’ve been friends with for almost 11 years. We have this other friend, Joy (28F), and her husband, Fred (22M) who celebrated their first year anniversary back in 2021 and held a small gathering and invited our friend group including Faith and I, and some other friends and family of them. It’s just a small party with food, alcohol, and karaoke.

As the end of the night, most of the people in the party were either drunk, asleep, or gone. Faith was long gone, and I decided to stay to help clean up. Some people who are still awake or sober enough offer to help too. While we are cleaning up, a bunch of topics were opened including about Faith.

Faith is a great singer, she has what some people say, an angelic voice. And when the topic went to Faith, most of the people were complimenting her singing, but not Fred.

Fred was quick to point out that Faith is a bit of an annoying, prude, and kind of a pick-me girl. Well I agree, but I keep that thought to myself. Joy smacks Fred's shoulder and laughs. I too laugh but more of a fake laugh. Then He said, “What? It’s true tho, that is why I don’t like her that much.” (Not verbatim) I just ignored it and continue cleaning.

Between then and three months ago, our friend group went silent and went on with their own life, me included, mostly because of the pandemic. Joy and I are not that close anymore because of a realization that I had, I’m not gonna say the realization that I had because it’s the reason why my post from AITA got removed. look at my other post on my profile, if you’re interested to know. It’s not hard to find, I only have one post there besides this one.

Three months ago, Faith reached out to me wanting to reconnect. So we did, we went out for dinner and since then we became closer, even closer than before. One of the reasons that I can think of as to why we became closer is that at some point in our catching up, we became totally honest with each other. I told her that I find her annoying back then and that I said some things behind her back. She basically told me the same, that I too can be annoying from time to time, and that I can be arrogant, which I wholeheartedly agree. Plus she’s not that annoying anymore and she got matured.

Now about two weeks ago now when she set up a plan for us to go to lunch. While we are at lunch, the topic of Joy and Fred got brought up. She told me that Joy and Fred are planning to open up a business. The mention of Fred immediately brought me back to their anniversary and remembered what Fred said back then.

Now I’m contemplating whether should I tell Faith or not. I was probably silent for a while and Faith noticed and asked me if I’m okay. I said yes, but told her that I want to tell her something but I’m not sure If I should because it might hurt her feelings. She told me I can tell her and she won’t mind. I asked if she was sure, but she kept insisting that I tell her already, and because I thought we are closer now and that she matured, that she can handle it well, and so I did.

I told her everything, everything that I remember that night. I told her what Fred had said about her, that she didn’t like her that much because she can be annoying and prude. After I finished telling her that, I can see that she was about to cry, her eyes got watery and she excused herself to go to the washroom.

I felt bad after that, when she came back I can see a little red around her eyes a clear sign of crying. Now I asked her if she was alright she nod and assured me that she was fine. She’s just very shocked because she had really no idea that that’s how Fred viewed her. I told her that I am sorry I didn’t defend her back then, but she told me it was okay, that she understands why, it was because we are not that close before, and the fact that I find her annoying too. After I'm sure that she was fine I immediately drop off the topic and moved on because I don’t want to upset her more.

Before we part ways that day I asked her one more time if she was really fine, she again assured me that she was really fine and thanked me for telling her.

Four days ago I received a long angry message from Joy basically saying how I’m a bad friend, that how dare I bad mouth her husband to Faith. And that it’s so long ago, why am I bringing up old stuff? And some insulting words, mind you I’m gay so you can imagine what kind of insults were there.

So turns out, three days after Faith and I had lunch, Joy, Fred, and Faith had dinner at the couple's house. I assumed that Joy and Faith still have communication, but I didn’t know that they still hang out. For the past three months, Faith never mentioned neither Joy nor Fred to me until our lunch 2 weeks ago.

To be honest, I don’t care about Joy and Fred right now, I’m glad to get rid of them in my life. What I worry is that this might put a strain on Faith and I's friendship.

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TL;DR:

A long time ago (2021) other friend’s husband told us that he don’t like our friend. Friend and I reconnected (2023) and I told her that our other friend’s husband didn’t like her cause she’s annoying. Other friend and friend’s husband found out I snitched on them and they’re pissed and mad about it.