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Little backstory, I am M(21), and my best friend is F(20). I've kinda known her since high school; we were in the same class a couple of years, but I didn't really notice her until the last year of high school when we were watching some movies and shows in class instead of listening. Fast forward 3 years ago, and COVID strikes—no school for 3 weeks, nothing to do. I started doing streaks with her on Snapchat for some reason in high school and never stopped since then. One day, I noticed she sent me a picture of a park near my house. I texted her if we could meet there, and she said yes. We went on doing many activities with friends there, and sooner than later, I had a crush on her. Things seemed steady at first, going smoothly. One day, she was drunk texting me at a party, and she said to me, "if I weren't stuck up I would totally be down." Of course, I was extremely happy to hear this, but everything seemed to change, and she got more distant.
I had to leave town for a fishing trip, and of course, there wasn't any cellphone reception where I was going. When I came back 3 days later, we texted a bit, and she told me she thought about it, and we couldn't be together. It absolutely crushed me. She said something about not being ready, so I replied I would wait for her, and wait for her, I did. I waited 3 years for her, to be exact, but in the meantime, she got a boyfriend, and things were complicated since he was also my friend.
I went on to feel extremely sad because I still had feelings, to feeling seemingly alright for the next couple of years. I was literally addicted; we were best friends by then, and we texted almost every day. When sometimes we didn't talk for a few days, I got worried and very sad. She was my drug; I loved seeing her and texting her—it gave me so much joy. Of course, she didn't know about all of this, but she had some ideas of what was going on. My friends (and hers) knew, though. She sometimes told me about how she doesn't really like what her boyfriend is doing, and fast forward to recently, she bluntly told me and my friend that she doesn't know if she really loves him, but she can't break up with him yet because of their planned trip a few months later, and that her mother helped her pay for a part of their plane tickets. Needless to say, this gave my friend and me false hope.
Fast forward to 2 days ago, and we had a trip planned to her mom's second house in a remote location. We planned to do LSD with 7 other friends and 1 who wouldn't do it. The experience was amazing; during my trip, I was so happy, but I couldn't hold back my feelings for her. She was so beautiful; I loved her so much. While coming down, I started to think I would never be able to be with her—I would always be stuck suffering. I went to see a friend and talked to some others on Discord about what to do, and we thought the best thing to do was to explain to her that we couldn't be friends. I did it today; I explained why, and it absolutely destroyed me. Right now, the only thing I have energy to do is writing this story. I am so down; it's unbelievable. I just want to do nothing and fast forward time so I can see her again, but as a friend.
The funny part is that I lost Snapshat streaks of 1173 days with her.
TL;DR: I went on an LSD trip with my longtime crush and best friend, experiencing the highest day of my life followed by the lowest, and ultimately losing her in the process.
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