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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU Trying to show a Co-worker a picture of me before my “Glow-Up”

TIFU So for context, I am mostly a straight guy, just couldn’t see myself in a relationship with a dude, doesn’t mean I don’t find them attractive though! So I’ll quite often do some windows shopping/chat to them even if it doesn’t go anywhere.

So the night before my shift I decide to redownload a couple dating apps, and after talking to a couple nice people (M and F) we exchange numbers and text on WhatsApp, the conversations sort of Peter out and die after we sort of exchange pictures and realise it wasn’t meant to be. I think nothing of it, delete the apps and move on with my evening; in my mind I assumed that the pictures that weren’t my own also disappeared with the apps being deleted. (Forgetting about WhatsApp saving images to my gallery for work reasons)

Flash forward to today and I work in a small space with two other coworkers, one of them is a newish starter and asks me some questions about my hair as I’m bald by choice. I have had a significant glow up In the past few years which included shaving my head, so I thought I would grab my old ID and Download a couple of my fitness pictures from about 4-5 years ago just to show her what I used to look like. Whilst we don’t speak much on shift, I appreciated the fact she was making an effort - so I was thinking “This is finally the shift where we break the ice and maybe I’ll learn a bit more about her too”

I knew I had my own nudes in my gallery and a whole bunch of garbage screenshots so to avoid any potential mishaps. So I made sure to take about 20-25 blank screenshots so that there was absolutely no way she could fat finger and accidentally swipe Left or right and see them.

So I hand her my ID first of all, and she’s dumbfounded! “Woah, that’s not you! You look like a completely different person”. Whilst she has the ID in both hands I go to show her my phone. But she assumes I’m passing it to her so in our sort of awkward fumble she grabs the top left of my iPhone……which just so happens to have the “back” key in that exact corner. I see my photo gallery zoom out and A moment of clarity happens…..Were I recognise a set of boobs & a penis framed perfectly along the top of the screen, due to the barrage of screenshots I took earlier and sheer luck. It had framed them perfectly across the top 3 rows of my gallery (Unintentionally putting it right in her eyesight). If I had pressed the screenshot button 10 more times or not had my gallery zoomed out, this wouldn’t of happened. This gallery was like the middle Aisle of Aldi….it had everything: boobs, girls asses, guys asses, guys dicks, vaginas all on show, and a couple of my own images too. All very small, but framed perfectly like a small set of bathroom tiles arranged to make a a small human Mosaic. You couldn’t quite tell sizes/imperfections but you could very easily see that it was..humans doing NSFW activities.

I go to pull my phone away but the damage is already done. She politely tells me to never show her a photo on my phone ever again and goes to the toilet. When she returns I profusely apologise, “No one comes to work to see that, I’m so sorry it was an accident”. Whilst I don’t try to explain that all of these photos aren’t me, she has no way to know. This girl has just been blasted by the equivalent of a Pinterest board of porn. I feel the energy in the room get awkward. So I leave it, we usually make coffees for each other for free when we finish our shifts. As my shift ends I ask her to make me a coffee before I go. She overcharges me, I don’t question it. I pay and sip my flat white in the rain knowing that this event will probably be spoken about in future without my Knowledge, if that’s in therapy or in a pub. I don’t get to know, but I just hope she doesn’t think the boobs are mine.

TL:DR Had a saucy night on dating apps. Didn’t completely clear out my phone afterwards. Accidentally barraged a coworker with my own, and other peoples nudes when trying to show her “how far I had come” in the past few years…..

to be honest that quote now has two different meanings.

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