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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by not putting the cat outside the room

Obligatory this did not happen today but I told this incredibly embarrassing story at a party recently so felt like sharing. On mobile, sorry if formatting sucks. Cat tax here

So back 4 years ago, a friend of mine came across 2 really cute kittens in need of a home that she thought I would like. My parents had lots of animals while I was growing up but I had most experience with dogs, all the cats we had were usually skittish (I was a loud kid so maybe they just didn't like me lmao) and spent most of the time hiding. I love cats and they were really cute so my friend offered to keep them with her until they were old enough to get neutered and all that and then she'd bring them to me for Christmas (she lived 5hrs away at the time) and I was super excited.

For a little background info, at the time I was married and had 2 young kids. So the time comes and my friend brings me the kittens. They're fucking adorable. One is a tuxedo kitty who is pretty skittish, but would come out and say hello if you were quiet and patient with him. The other is a black cat who is a total himbo and just wants love & attention 24/7. He's super sweet, even with my kids, never scratches or bites, just walks away if they get to be too loud. Loves everyone. Constantly in your business. He is laying on my chest while I type this.

Now for the TIFU part. So one night, my MIL had offered to take the kids. My then husband & I decided to have a date night in and I cooked us a nice dinner. I drank a large amount of rum. Rum makes me incredibly horny. So we take things to the bedroom. I'm on top. I'm v drunk, I'm having a good time, not paying attention to much of anything else. All of the sudden, I feel something fuzzy rub up against my ass. It startled me so bad that I fell off of the bed and hit my head on the end table.

It was the fucking cat. Dumbass black cat jumped up on the bed and decided that mid horizontal ugly bumpin was the best time for him to try and get some cuddles from me. I hit my head pretty good and then-husband decides to take me to the ER. I ended up with a mild concussion and a seasoned ER nurse shaking her head at me.

TLDR forgot to lock affectionate idiot cat outside the room during sex, fell off bed when he rubbed on my ass and ended up with a concussion

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