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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU drinking a random protein shake in Japan without reading the label

I Went to the gym early in the morning because I couldn’t sleep, I have a problem with getting dizzy/fatigue when I go to the gym so I figured I’d pick up a snack and some drinks to keep me going, after I picked up a few things I noticed a protein shake, I have no idea how to read Japanese but the giant 21g of protein caught my eye, I picked it up because it was simple and quick and bike to the gym a block down, I spent a few hours there and towards the end I noticed my stomach wasn’t feeling alright, i went to the bathroom and dropped some weight and when that didn’t work I had to cut my work out short and bike back home. At this point I thought it was just bloating, I’ve drank a variety of protein shakes before and never had that issue but I’ve heard of it. I get home and decide it’s a good idea to give my lady some good morning fun time, halfway through I notice a change, it’s no longer just gas, I feel like I’m going to shit my pants. I rush to the bathroom and pass by a mirror and it literally looks like I’m pregnant with twins, I hop on the toilet expecting some gas and full on liquid shit comes pouring out of me, it’s so loud my wife comes and asks if I’m okay. I beg her to leave so she doesn’t have to deal with the horror of what I’m going through. Im still here and I’ve been on this toilet for god knows how long, I can’t feel my legs, it’s not stopping, I have no idea what did this to me. I will never drink a Japanese protein shake again

TL;DR drank a random Japanese protein shake and didn’t read the label, almost shit myself mid sex and am now destined to a life confined to the bathroom

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