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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by asking to eat my wife out :/

For context: my wife often answers the phone and puts it on speaker if she's busy and her hands are occupied.

So anyway, work so shitty today. Like just awful and all I could think about was wanting to go home to my wife all day. Eventually I just decided to leave work early and I called my wife to inform her of this since she was off today as well. It was supposed to be a rest day for her as she was just getting better from a pretty bad cold so I was confused when I heard a lot of movement going on in the background of the call. When I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was making my favorite dinner and when I reminded her that she was supposed to be resting she said something like “I was just thinking of you and I wanted to make you happy”. I was just so caught up in how lovely she is that I didn’t even think before I mumbled something along the lines of "Thank you, baby. You’re so good to me. You gonna sit on my face after dinner so I can thank you properly? I've been missing the taste of you all day." normally she'd laugh and agree but all I heard on the other line was dead silence. The loudest silence of my life. I instantly knew that I fucked up but I had no way of rectifying the situation especially since I didn't exactly know what was wrong. Then I heard her brother's voice say something I couldn't quite understand but I didn't need to. I forgot he was coming to visit us today and I definitely didn't expect him to be there at that time. So anyway, I'm sitting in my car in a Walmart parking lot, avoiding going home for the first and only time in my marriage, typing this up and trying not to die of embarrassment as I think about the fact that my brother-in-law heard me ask to fuck my wife later. FML.

EDIT: I was embarrassed in the moment but this post was not meant to be taken too seriously and neither my wife or bil caredšŸ˜­. I’m home now, dinner was great btw and dessert was 10x better.

TL;DR: I’m mortified after asking to tongue fuck my wife in front of my brother-in-law.

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