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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by taking two Ducolax pills

This is a cautionary tale for anybody who needs a laxative. DO NOT TAKE DUCOLAX. That shit was made by the devil himself.

I have IBS-c and hadn’t had a good BM in a bit too long for my comfort. Looking to fix my shit free situation, I went through my medicine cabinet and found Satan’s gallstones, Ducolax. I had taken just one a few days before and it didn’t do anything so I took two. I’m no stranger to laxatives so I knew what I was getting myself into. Or so I thought.

Around 3am, I wake up with the most horrific stomach pain of my life. For the next hour it’s me, cold sweats, and the toilet. I had to put strips of toilet paper on my legs because I was so sweaty that my arms were slipping off my thighs and I needed leverage. And what did I get from all this pain? ONE BM. ONE.

After I went, I slithered off the toilet and laid on the floor with my shorts around my ankles, wanting to get back into bed but unable to stand because both my legs were asleep and I couldn’t put weight on them. I laid there panting and wondering how I could go back in time to never have taken those f-ing pills.

For the next 24 hours, I went between the bed and the toilet praying for death. The stomach cramps were intolerable. I’ve been hospitalized with a bowel obstruction and that was less painful. Once the cramping mostly subsided, I was left with horrible leg cramps from how dehydrated I was. It was the most painful experience of my life and at the end I lost 10 pounds. In ONE DAY. Don’t do Ducolax, friends. It’s not cool.

TL;DR- I took 2 Ducolax pills, had horrific cramping for 24 hours, and lost 10 pounds

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