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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by putting inane shit as my Venmo memo and having it read out loud in open court

(Posting from my alt cause I’m a whole ass business professional and am mortified by my stupidity.)

Today I fucked up by putting stupid, inane shit as the memo for my Venmo transactions. Well actually these transactions are spread out over two years. My older brothers and I try to say the most out of pocket stuff with our Venmo payments to try to get a laugh. Everyone does this, right? It’s harmless, it’s silly. Until… you file bankruptcy and have to meet with a trustee in open court who asks about payments made to friends and family.

I answer honestly, “yes I’ve paid friends and family for various reasons. I provided my Venmo transaction history to you.”

He says oh let me check my records. So begins a very…. very… long pause. I just know he’s sifting through the fan favorites, which include but are not limited to: -“for the discoloration of your butthole flaps” -“peepee Tom” -“for the soiled adult diaper auction” -“butt plugs and electric shock rods” -“DVD (Black Studs, White Moms) -“your bitch tits” -“remember that time you shit in the backyard” -“for your mother last night” -“kissing hands and shaking babies”

I’m bright red, sinking down in my chair. My lawyer looks at me puzzled, clearly she didn’t read these in-depth. Why am I such an immature stupid fuck?

TL;DR I sent my brothers some Venmo’s with really inappropriate and explicit memos, and had to watch in horror as the trustee read them during a court proceeding.

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