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TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

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TIFU by dancing to 80s songs

If I exercise before bed, I always find it gets me better sleep. Also, I don't have much time to do it during the day. I usually go for a one-hour or two-hour walk, and sometimes I jog.

It gets boring sometimes though, and I'm not always in the "mood" to walk. That's when it hit me. Why don't I do aerobics? I went on YouTube and looked it up.

The first result wasn't aerobics per se, just a lady dancing to 80s songs. I'm 20, so I grew up with my mom playing those hits and it was really nostalgic to hear them again.

I caught myself singing along and having so much fun, it didn't even really feel like a workout. I finished and even revisited some songs before I was finished. Finally, an hour later, I had many zone minutes on Fitbit. I was so satisfied. And exhausted.

I knew I was going to sleep well tonight, especially since work had been so draining. I pulled the bedsheets to my chin and awaited dreamland. Except...

A Madonna song was playing OVER AND OVER AND OVER IN MY HEAD. Whenever I felt like I was going to drift off, this song butted its way back in and tormented me. "Get into the groove!!!!! Boy you've got to prove!!!!! your love to meeeee!!!!" STOP MADONNA STOP

An hour passed, then two. I distracted myself by trying to fall asleep to a video. NOTHING. 6 am came and I knew I'd have only 2 hours of sleep. I did sleep at some point, but it was hell to wake up. Hey, at least I'll sleep well tonight, right? WRONG.

The next night came, I went to bed. I tried to sleep. "MUSIC CAN BE SUCH A REVALATION!!! DANCING AROUND YOU FEEL THE SWEET SENSATION!!!" To top it off, Micheal Jackson also joined the party. "BILLIE JEAN IS NOT MY LOVER!!!!!"

I fell asleep at some point, after 6 for sure. At this point, I was a zombie, working only for my rulers Madonna and Michael. After breakfast, I realized I'd fallen asleep SITTING UP for an hour. I felt better for a while, but the aching tiredness came again soon after. Surely, my body can't take more, right? I'll fall asleep tonight for sure. WRONG AGAIN.

A WEEK!!!!!! A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!! A week of two hours of sleep!! I didn't even know that was possible!!! I lived only to do the bare minimum. I didn't even trust myself to drive anymore, I felt drunk or something.

My solution? I ate the highest THC edible I could find and I had sweet relief. The thing is now, whenever I try to sleep without weed, I can't. That was never a problem before. I am no longer autonomous. Just a shell to serve my Gods. My brain is their hideout. Catch them off guard and they will return to avenge their betrayal.

TL;DR: Danced to 80s songs as a workout, got a deathly earworm. I couldn't sleep for a week and now I have to smoke weed to sleep.

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